It is well.

Peace Like a River

2011-12-26T13:49:00.001-06:00

The above is a painted canvas embossed with wooden letters. I got the idea from Pinterest, my latest web obsession (aka websession).

When we first started this blog, Leslie didn't take long to name the page "It is Well" (so that she could start sharing her thoughts!!) and told Sarah and I that we had free reign to change it if we wanted to. However, I thought it was perfect and so fitting, especially for the points the three of us were in at that time. We'd never really considered anything else! There used to be a time in my life where things were not so well with my soul. Even after many years of being a Christian had passed, while not necessarily always walking alongside my Sweet Savior, things were not well with my soul. But things changed, and not by my own efforts. The Holy Spirit awakened by soul by knocking really heavily on my hard head in October 2006 when I realized I had been trying to "do life" by my own strength for far too long. What a crazy thought! I flung that hard-headed door wide open as if welcoming a close family member to stay for a while. The metaphorical door stop I used was apparently one that did not have good grip on the floor, as the door s l o o o w l y drifted to a propped position through material successes, going through school, and figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. The Holy Spirit then came again and knocked more heavily a second time, literally bringing me to my knees, in December 2009. Prayer had not been a huge part of my life until this point. Neither had close close close community in the church. (It was just more like unity among church friends - missing the closeness and the community altogether!) I had just graduated from college and was about to start my new job I worked so hard for, so this was a sort of make-it-or-break-it point in my relationship with Christ. I am so glad our Lord never gives up on us! And I'm so glad that I answered the knock!! Things are so very well with my soul right now, and I wish the same for others. I would like to encourage you to also feel free to shout from the rooftops "It is Well With My Soul!!! And I don't care who knows it!!!" This is one of my FAVORITE HYMNS of all time. I could sing it all the day long, and just reading the words makes me feel so peaceful!

~LeeAnn

It Is Well With My Soul (click link to listen)

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

"That Time of Year"

2011-12-20T14:32:00.000-06:00

A lot of music plays in my head in a sort of whimsical medley ---CONSTANTLY. Of course, right now, I have Christmas carols and jingles and jollies rotating their way through my sing-song brain. "Jingle bells, falalalala farararara, winter wonderland, harking the herald, ye faithful coming...it's the most wonderful time of the year!"

These past few weeks have been filled with folks trying to spread Christmas cheer by spending endless amounts of money to present their friends with gifts. Not just regular gifts of hugs, laughter, and time well-spent. Not just kindness, and loving, and cheerful giving. But more like a type of giving that has turned away from voluntary representations of love and appreciation and into mandatory searching for material items that are down to the nitty-gritty detailed specifications of the receiver.

What happened to the mystery of material Christmas gifts, anyway? Does anyone really not know what you'll be receiving this year? The gifts, they can't all be surprises, but can any of them? Back when Jesus was born, I'm sure Mary and Joseph didn't request the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh they received. I can just see it now, "Where's their registry??" The origin of Christmas gift-giving is found in the Bible in Matthew 2, where the Wise Men offered these gifts to Baby Jesus (but probably when he was more like 18-24 months old, according to some Study Bibles). At your eyes' first passing, it seems they literally just dropped the gifts and ran to escape King Herod who was cray-cray, and they were warned against him in a dream... because they probably didn't really understand the true symbolism of their participation in the world's first baby shower! (Baby showers were previously held to shower the baby with gifts, not just the parents... but parents really do need all the help they can get from family and friends!)

You know what I'm giving my family this year? Trash bags. They're useful and meaningful in more ways than one. Sure, you don't have to buy any for a while for the kitchen or the yard clippings or to pack up all your Christmas decorations in or throw away the wrapping paper. They are also good reminders that we all probably have too much junk lying around that could either be thrown away in these bags, never to be seen again. Or maybe you realize they will be good for collecting up things you don't really need anymore, but a family down the street is struggling to obtain. I hope that this year, my gift of trash bags (and yes, I got some for myself!) helps me remember a few more things than the fact that the kitchen can needs to be emptied. However, giving material things to those in need means nothing without the truest meaningful gift of all.

What is a true and meaningful gift? The BEST gift we could ever give friends or family is to share with them the love of Christ, and our purpose in this world - to faithfully serve Him only and explicitly share the Good News that God sent His Son into this world to die for our sins, and that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life in Christ! How ironic is it that the BEST gift we have ever received is also the BEST gift we can give! Hallelujah!

~LeeAnn

Acres of Hope

2011-09-05T23:08:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have found myself at the bottom of the spiritual well, finding myself without thirst and without water. I have looked to other comforts to bring me relief and restoration, things that do not require much of a sacrifice or adjustment. And in doing so, I have found myself wandering away from the living water. In a thousand ways, everyday, I have chosen self and set aside the sacrifice. I have made the decision to drink the sweet nectar of easy choices and shallow comforts in lieu of genuine peace. And these pursuits have left me dehydrated and drained. Try as I may to avoid dealing with the repercussions of chasing self, I have been steadily drawn to the truth. And this has come through the words of the book of Hosea. Hosea starts with a man, Hosea, whom God has called to marry a prostitute, Gomer. This man was told, beforehand, that his wife would be unfaithful and would have children that did not belong to him. And yet, this man chose the path of obedience and married Gomer anyway. Over time, the prophecy came true and Gomer was living the truth that his wife was devoting herself to other things, even as he stood by faithfully.

This story parallels the love story God had with Israel, and with us, His beloveds. It is the story of a God who watched as Israel turned it's back on Him, in their attempt to chase after other gods and sinful desires. I am reminded of my own wandering. I am reminded of my own unfaithfulness to the one who gave me faith. It can be disturbing to see yourself through the lens of truth. No one wants to think about the repercussions of selfish choices, they just want the immediate relief or benefits from those choices. We don't want to consider the cost of living for self. But the cost is a separation from Christ. The cost is very great. But there is still hope... Hosea 2: 14-20:

¹⁴"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
   andbring her into the wilderness,
   and speak tenderly to her.
¹⁵And there I will give her her vineyards
   and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
   as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

¹⁶"And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.' ¹⁷For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. ¹⁸And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. ¹⁹And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. ²⁰ I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. Andyou shall know the LORD."

This picture is unnervingly beautiful and utterly romantic. This love is what you read about in fairy tales, only more profound and more full because it is real. It is a love that says, though you have forsaken me, yet I will still love you and call you mine. This passage speaks to the heart of a woman by it's promises to love unconditionally and to pursue whole heartedly.

In my life I have felt love, and I have been loved in return. However, I have not felt pursued. I have not felt that I was beloved. To hear these words from God, is the language of love. And it speaks right to my heart. It says that though I have been unfaithful to the Lord, He has not been unfaithful to me. He has loved me in my wilderness. And in that love He has led me to the valley. What brings me great comfort and peace is the idea that in this valley, He will speak tenderly to me. In fact, He will call me in to such places in order to do just that. These tender moments with Him are planned and they are meant to be intimate. He has come looking for us there, in order to lead us out and to restore us to who we are in Him. This is the hope we have: our Jesus loves us enough to give us back what we do not deserve, and that is more of Him. He makes these valleys a door to hope. He reminds us of the days when we first met Him and the promises He made to us in those days. He lets us return to those moments when we first fell in love with Him, to reassure us that He has never fallen out of love with us. Even in our wilderness. Even as we chose other things to love.

And when we choose Him, when we run in to the arms of His unfailing love, He lets us call Him "Husband". He allows us to enter in to the most intimate of unions with Him. And in doing so, He promises to provide safety. He seals Himself to us forever, so that we will always be covered in His love. For better or for worse. These last lines are so enormous that they bear repeating:

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. Andyou shall know the LORD.

So, yes, I may be walking in unsafe places and I may be thirsting for things unclean. But the Lord has plans to allure me and to draw me back to Him. And by remembering His promises and His love for me, I am drawn back to Him, time and time again. He loves me enough to return to me and betroth Himself to me and to let me know Him. That is a truth to stand on and a love to cherish.

This is a link to a song based on these verses. Listen to it if you want and be reminded of it's truth. This is my prayer for you: that you would let God be your Husband. And that you would allow Him to make you His beloved. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3dBZu2yyRs

Thirst Quencher

2011-08-10T22:02:00.000-05:00

So my spirit grows faint within me;
   my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
   I meditate on all your works
   and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
   I thirst for you like a parched land. (Psalm 143:4-6)

Have you been there? Have you been in a place where your spirit has grown faint and your heart has become dismayed? Of course you have. In fact, you've probably walked that desert many times in your life. As Christians, we are told that problems will come:

'“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”' (John 16:33)

And we are told that WHEN these troubles come, we are given a solution:

"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Seems like the simplest of equations, there is a problem and a ready made solution. The quick answer is Jesus, always. He absolutely gives us EVERYTHING that we need to endure, to strive, to sustain and to conquer. That is some pretty good news. It can be pretty liberating and inspirational news to those who are entering the battle for joy or peace or security. I don't know that there have ever been more inspirational words than these:

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

(Romans 8:31)

"With your help I can advance against a troop ; with my God I can scale a wall." (2 Samuel 22:30)

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)

And yet, we find our hearts sad. We find our spirits crushed and our will burdened and weary. Part of running a race means you will get tired. It is work to live the Christian life. It is work to fight against the sinful nature within us. This does not come easily and it doesn't come when we are the most spiritually fit and rested. In fact, scriptures say this about the enemy:

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

Yikes. I certainly don't want to be easy prey. And yet, when I am not within the clutches of my Master, that is exactly what I am. You certainly will encounter moments when you are spiritually thirsty, or tired, or spent. It is what you do in these moments that matters. When Paul asked the Lord to remove the thorns of temptation and persecution from his side he received this answer:

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

The answer is that when we are sad, or broken or tired or thirsty or discouraged or whatever else makes us weak and vulnerable to sin and selfishness then we must tap in to the power of the Lord. And we do that by REMEMBERING who God has been throughout the beginning of time, CONSIDERING what His hands have done in our lives, SPREADING out our hands to Him in a gesture of invitation and reception and teaching our soul to LONG for Him and to THIRST for the things of Him. This is not an easy thing. It goes against our nature. So don't beat yourself up when you find that thought your spirit is willing, the flesh may be weak, many before you have felt the same feeling (Mark 14:38). When all else fails, and you find yourself in despair and your spirit downcast, let these words be the prayer of your heart:

Teach me to do your will,
   for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
   lead me on level ground.
For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life;
   in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. (Psalm 143:10-11)

God certainly will respond to a heart that longs for His will and His glory.

Weeping and Waiting

2011-08-08T22:41:00.000-05:00

In this season of my life, I am learning much about how to sustain joy through all circumstances. I will admit that I fail, and have failed, many times on this subject. It is not an easy thing to cling to, trust in and rely on the promises you can not see and the truths you can not feel. In my sinful and limited perspective, it is far easier to base my mood and attitude and faith on the things that are happening right now, right in front of me. But, while it is easier, it is not always beneficial because this view leads to temporary joy and wavering peace. In these times I am often reminded of John 11. This is the chapter that refers to the death of Lazarus verses (1-7).

"Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.”

Lazarus was a friend of Jesus. His sisters had hosted Jesus in their home and had become very close to him. So it seems strange that upon hearing that his friend was sick that Jesus decided to stay where he was. In our limited view of God, we expect him to be merciful and to have a heart for his people and to long to meet their needs. And this is true, God does want to meet our needs. He very much longs to extend His mercy to a people He undoubtedly loves. Where we get it wrong is that we have a very narrow idea of what this need-meeting looks like. We want answers to prayers, and solutions to problems but we want them in a very specific timing and systematic way. When we say to Jesus that our brother is sick, we want Him to help us and we expect that healing is the way it shall be. However, Jesus moves when He intends to and His ways are never less than exactly what was needed. Jesus has a bigger plan and a bigger picture than we do. So, He waits when we think He should move. And even though we panic and whine, He knows exactly what He is doing.

verses 11-14

After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” ...

His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.

So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”

Herein lies the key to what Jesus' plan so full proof and ours so lacking (other than the fact that He's Jesus). In all of His actions, the purpose is to bring glory to Himself and to have people believe. Our plans end in us getting what we want, and getting it how we want it. But God's plan ends in more of Him. So He waits because waiting brings more glory to Him. Waiting ensures that someone else will believe and understand and come to Him. Maybe that is you, or maybe it is the one who is watching you in your trials. Whatever the case may be, there is a reason that Jesus is waiting and that reason is always to lead to more of Him. That whole last verse has nothing to do with Jesus, and everything to do with us, the sinners who require sight to believe. He says, "for YOUR sake I am glad I was not there, so that YOU may believe". His plan revolves around what will help us see more clearly, what will help us understand more fully, and experience more wholly. His plan works all things out so that we see, understand and experience HIM to the fullest. He moves all the details in our life to achieve this end and yet we complain when the why's and how's don't meet the measure in our head.

verses 25-27

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

“Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

Like Martha, when bad things hit close to home we want answers. We want to know why God didn't do what we know He is capable of. We want to know that this story will have a happy ending and that all the trouble will be worth it. But sometimes Jesus puts us in the midst of hard times so that He can ask us "do you believe?". Like Martha, He wants to know if we believe in more than what we see and feel. He wants to know that our hope is in the eternal life we have inside and not the external circumstances that threaten to steal our hope and peace. And when we can answer "Yes, Lord" then He can move in the way He wants to, knowing that we are on board, wherever that takes us.

verses 33-37
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

How are you reacting to the trials in your life? Are you like the Jews, saying "see how he loved him" even as he let him die? Or are you like those others, those few, who looked and said, "could not he... have kept this man from dying"? It is a matter of perspective. One chooses to look at the loss and the other chooses to look at the Lord. One says "Oh, how He loves us- even in this - enough to do this" and the other says "if He really loved us He would have saved us from all this". In the end, Jesus brought Lazarus, who was dead for 4 days, back to life. He made the impossible happen. And sometimes Jesus will make the impossible happen in our lives as well. He will save and heal and repair and move in the way we hoped He would. But He may also choose to break what seems to be fragile or wound what seems to be weak. Sometimes His wonders won't make sense because we can't see through the pain and heartache. Either way, we can be assured that everything is being worked out for the good of those who love Him. What we need to begin to wrap our minds around is that the "good" isn't more of this or less of that... it is just Jesus.

Head versus Heart

2011-04-24T23:05:00.000-05:00

I start with words that always unravel the knots in my heart and spirit - Shane and Shane

"i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are
Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You"

Besides the fact that I absolutely love Shane and Shane, I chose this song because I feel like it perfectly encapsulates my being right now. I am waiting. I am stuck in this position waiting for something to happen, something to change my course. Here or there, I don't care really. I just want to go and move again. But I find myself waiting and I am not really sure what I am waiting for or on. Things have been moving pretty fast lately and my emotions and mind have had trouble getting on the same foot. In fact, most times I find myself lamely limping along - relying too heavily on one foot or the other and not finding that rhythm that leads to balance. I am in what feels like the aftermath of a storm. I am staring at the ruins and wreckage and wondering what to do next and where to begin to rebuild.

These are pretty heavy words that speak from a somewhat heavy heart. There have been losses recently that have wounded my heart. And in the way of those familiar with wounds, I have learned how to take the bullet and keep moving forward. However, even those defenses wear down now and then and you are left with the basics... you, your situation and what you make of it.

My situation is exactly this: I am waiting for God to move me from between the rock and the hard place that I feel He has me in. There is something to be learned here and something to take away from this place. My resentment of this place has led me to this "closet". I have fought this path and resisted the implications of it so much that I have chosen not to hear, not to sing, not to pray. And, instead, I have mourned silently for the things that I wanted but did not get. In this way I have been selfish. And I have been stubborn. And I have not healed. Or moved forward.

But now, my mind has decided to fix my "eyes on Jesus, the Author and perfecter of my faith"(Hebrews 12:2). I have decided that these things that I want may be permissible, but they are not necessarily beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). I have decided that it is time to close doors and find new beginnings. I have decided to let go and heal. And while these head decisions, this changing of my mind, are the right step, there is still the matter of the heart. Because the heart is not nearly so quick to give in and relent - at least not for me. They say the heart wants what it wants and a heart decided is hard to convince otherwise. I suppose this is a great thing when viewed through the lens of commitment and conviction. But not so great in the area of wants and desires - in this case it can lead to heartbreak and gnashing of teeth.

But this I believe, that if I change my mind then God will change my heart in time. That if I choose to seek Him and walk in His path, my heart will begin to follow suit. I will begin to want new things and pursue different paths and forget about the indecisions and inconclusions of the past. This end result is what motivates me to move forward. And I hold these tools in my knapsack to help me along my way:

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " Philippians 4:7

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.^{" Proverbs 3:5-6}

"Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence. " Hosea 6:1-2

So here is to changing of minds that leads, eventually to a changing of hearts. I choose to sit in this waiting room, as silent and dark and small as it may feel. Because this time is from the Lord, as unlikely as it may seem. It is all about Him. Every single second. Every situation. Every thought. Every feeling. Every painful moment. Every dream fulfilled. The promise of more Him is worth waiting for.

Promise Keeper

2011-02-07T00:11:00.001-06:00

Abraham was told a son would be his. And this son would be the father of many nations. Many years went by and Abraham was without child. It was a situation that seemed to have no logical answer. And yet, the Bible clearly says:

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.”Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”
Romans 4:18-22

There is so much meat in that passage and so many things that catch my eye and convict my spirit. But the things that really stand out to me are the words HOPE and FULLY PERSUADED. Abraham had many reasons to doubt the promise that God had made him. Logically, such a miraculous thing did not make sense. He was old, his wife was barren and time was running out. Still, against all hope Abraham believed in hope and the promise was fulfilled. Abraham chose to believe not what seemed logical and what his situation reflected as "real". Instead, he chose to put his hope in the one who made the promise knowing that He would make a way through the logical. Abraham put his faith in the facts of what he knew about God and His history of keeping promises. And it says he DID NOT WAIVER THROUGH UNBELIEF.

These words floor me. Because so often I myself have the opposite problem. I hear God, I trust God and then something goes slightly wrong and I begin to doubt my motives and God's plan and I am filled with absolute unbelief. This week I have been filled with this overwhelming fact that I am trying to control my future and perfect my present. And this is a truth that makes me very sad. The reason being is that I do not trust myself to be of pure motive and blind faith. I fail, time and time again. I fall in to the same traps and go for the same ridiculous bait. I am one person, who is completely weak when it comes to the flesh and the mind and the things of the heart. I believe the lies far too easily, because I do not trust that God will do what He has promised. I panic and I turn and run and drive myself crazy with doubt, worry and fear. It is crippling for my faith.

I think Abraham had it right. He was strengthened by his faith. And this was because his faith was never in his self or his abilities. Those things were out of the question. They were outside the realm of possiblity. He knew it was either going to be a God thing or it was not going to happen. So he decided to trust that God knew best and he believed, without hesitation, that God's power to provide was greater than logic. He trusted that the impossible was made possible through the promise of the One who controls all things. This God still exists, and He still defies logic. Everyday. And His promises apply to me. This day. I am weak and full of unbelief. But my prayer is that I would be broken of the chains that hold me to myself and my will and find freedom in the promises of Christ. There is sweet victory over sin and death that are mine to grab and cling to. The work has already been done for those who believe. If that is you, if you are a believer in Christ, then the promises of God are yours as well. Claim them. Trust them. Hide them in your heart. And pray for the strength to believe them, when all hope fails. This is where I am at. Hoping, against all hope, that Christ will free me of myself and bind my wandering heart to Him.

Crushing the American Dream

2011-01-23T21:09:00.000-06:00

I'll start with a little back story on a book I read during Summer 2010. By the way, it was a GREAT summer. It was 'Radical' by David Platt, and I can honestly say that I never thought a book besides the Bible could have an effect on me. "Wrong again, LeeAnn!" Anyway, I have thought a lot about this book ever since. I have especially been trying to wrap my thoughts around what the American Dream is, if I have one, and what I really should be dreaming of. These are my conclusions in a nutshell.

I feel bad for people who say they have spent their whole lives chasing the American Dream. I mean, yeah, dying as an American is the best worldly death you can die, but the best LIFE YOU CAN LIVE is as a Christian serving the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul! And- JUST THINK- to die as a Christian far more exceeds even that! Paul said it pretty concisely to the church at Philippi:

"For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21

You go, Paul- four for you, Paul. I can't say it was easy to come to the realization that I am living an American Dream right now, and I need to rid myself of many worldly things I am attached to. I didn't have to do much chasing for this dream to become a reality, but whoa, it is sure weighing heavy on my heart. I read most of the book while I was out of the United States, so it was pretty simple to separate myself from those things for a short bit, but coming back to it for the past 6 months definitely hasn't seemed to matter to me- I haven't made much of a conscious effort to delete anything. I have only made it more chaotic by trying to juggle things like TV, music, movies, praying and reading the Bible. Which one of those doesn't belong? Well, that would be the first 3 things. Do you know how hard it is to study God's Word while watching TV? Warning: do not try that at home! Time to take action! Time to get with the program! Time to crush those American Dreams! Below are the lyrics to a GREAT song about giving up your American Dreams that I heard when I visited David Platt's church in Birmingham with some friends. The youtube link embedded in the Title sends you to a random video with her song in the background, and a more upbeat fuller-band version is available on iTunes.

Do you have dreams to crush? Are there some things you need to let go of so you can serve Christ with all your heart, mind, and soul?

Random side note: I accidentally left that book (and my journal) on an airplane in Singapore. Go figure. I do still hope that someone found both of those things and decided to read them, and that their life was change by it in some manner.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Stranger by Mandi Mapes

just another day in a beautiful town
where money makes the world go round
caught in a place where no matter what I do
I feel let down
'cause I keep chasing all these funny things
that don't even matter
in the end

this world is not my home
I am a stranger in this country
Jesus in me won't You pour me out
I'm ready to abandon all my shiny things
my family, and this American dream, Lord
come take it all from me
until there's nothing left but You

Lord, open my eyes
that I may see the brevity of my life
may Your Word tear down my sinful heart
and fill me with new desires
by Your Spirit I will live for You
and love You with all my soul
so have Your way in me
and let Your kingdom come

Amazing Race

2011-01-09T22:44:00.000-06:00

Earlier this week, my sister invited me to join her and some other people in running what is called the Warrior Dash. It is exactly as brutal as it sounds, although it was presented to me as "fun" and "challenging". Basically, you run a 3 mile race with intermittent obstacles thrown in along the way. These obstacles include running through tires, running through waist high water, climbing up a rope wall, sprinting up a hill, crawling through mud and jumping over fire. Intense. But imagine the feeling when you make it to the end of something like that? I get excited when I finish a 45 minute cardio workout. I cant imagine the sense of accomplishment you would feel when you push yourself to the limit and succeed.

You see, I have forgotten that the spiritual life is a lot like that Warrior Dash. It is fun, but it also is challenging. It is not a sprint, but a marathon. It requires one to keep going until the race is finished. There is no stopping. Stopping leads to standing still and in a life with Christ, standing still leads to being lazy and stagnant and lukewarm. And the Lord says being lukewarm is a very bad thing: "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." - Revelation 3:16.

I find myself going through periods where I love the race. I love the sweat and hard work that it takes to prepare for and enter in to the race. I like the challenge of making myself "ready" to tackle challenges. But what happens all too often is that I eventually lose focus and my drive to persevere takes a back seat to my desire to stop and get comfortable. And my mind convinces itself that I deserve this break and this rest. And sometimes rest and renewal is entirely necessary. But they only work when they are within the arms of the Lord. All other rests are breaks in a communion with Him that lead us away from the path and in to our own land of self gratification and easy answers.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:12-14

I am learning that I need to keep running. I need to continue to move toward Christ and not stop. I need to realize that while I may have completed one obstacle, the race is not over. I have not finished yet. I must keep going and keep my mind and body and spirit ready for the Spiritual battle that is all around me. To not stay "fit" for the race is a huge error on my part. We must stay healthy and train ourselves for success.

Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. - 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Where are you in the race? Are you mid lap and loving it? Are you tired of running in what seems like endless circles? Are you in the midst of an obstacle that seems too daunting? Have you just completed an obstacle and feel like you need a rest? Or are you watching from the bleachers? Or standing at the starting line? Or simply standing still? Wherever you are, remember to keep moving and keep submitting yourself to the training process. Get in the race and get moving toward Christ. Let Him move your feet when they can't move anymore. Let Him be your Living water when you need a drink. Let Him renew your mind when you can't seem to remember the end goal or the prize. In other words, "deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).

what is better

2011-01-03T15:33:00.000-06:00

Lately, I have been feeling the weight of anxiety. And while I know that this is a weight I have put upon my own back, that thought alone has not made the burden any lighter. You see, like most women, I have a need to control and plan and coordinate my agendas and my life. I like things to be "just so". And this tactic sometimes works out for me. But sometimes, and I am finding this happening more often than not, all of my plan and prep work doesn't amount to anything more than tired feet and an aching back. The truth is that all of the energy and time I put in to creating the "perfect" scenario is a waste if that scenario isn't the one the Lord has envisioned for me. It is a little silly to think about how much of myself I pour in to getting the details right, when all of that pouring causes me to miss out on the only detail that truly matters. For all my piecing together and puzzling things out, I often find that the pieces of my life are not creating the big picture that I was striving for. To help illustrate my point, I want to draw from a well known passage:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” - Luke 10:38-42

I will give you one second to figure out which character I relate to in this story. I AM Martha. I totally relate to this woman. She is busy for the Lord. So busy, in fact, that she is missing the fact that He is right in front of her. Of course, there is nothing wrong with hard work. In fact, Proverbs 31 instructs the women of God not to eat the "bread of idleness" (vs. 27). Which indicates to me that the problem here is not how much Martha is working. The problem is that she was "distracted". She was so distracted with the preparations that she left no time to sit and enjoy the presence of her company. And her "company" was Jesus. The Lord was sitting in her house, asking for her to sit and fellowship with him, and all she could think about was the food, drink and table. There is a tendency to dismiss Martha as utterly silly and somewhat selfish. But, everyday we have the chance to sit and fellowship with our Lord and Creator. And everyday, we find ourselves so consumed with our thoughts and tasks that we miss the opportunity to sit and be with the one who made us.

I find vs 41 and 42 particularly convicting. Jesus tells Martha "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one." Right now I can think of a million things in my head that are not going the way I had hoped or planned or expected. And this typically causes me to worry and over think and analyze. On the whole, I become so busy deciding for myself what is best that anything less than that causes stress and anxiety. The problem is that I am using my definition of "best" and not the Lord's. Because He has clearly told us in verse 42 that "Mary has chosen what is better". "Better" involves sitting with the Lord and listening to what He has to say. Somehow I have the feeling that by pursuing what is "better" the stress, anxiety and worry of this life may be avoided or, at the very least, diminished.

I write this for myself - and for anyone else who is wearing themselves out trying to accomplish everything on their list. Take time to find out what is better and make room in your house and your heart for sitting and listening to the Lord. Let the dishes sit a while, let the laundry wait. "Come near to God and He will come near to you" (James 4:8). This is the one thing that is needed.

Beauty is Pain

2010-12-13T13:43:00.000-06:00

I have some really great friends. I mean truly great. And not just great because they make me laugh and listen to my stories. But also great because they tell me the truth. Yesterday, I spoke with a close friend who confided that she was upset with me for not "sticking to my guns" on something that I had told her I wanted to do. Actually, it was bigger than that, it was something that I had felt called to do. I had wanted to argue and defend myself, but I didn't. Instead, I realized that she was right. Ouch. Not easy to hear. And even harder to admit it's true. But it is. I have done a poor job of holding fast to the things that the Spirit has called me to. I find that I let myself off of the hook all too easily because it is hard or uncomfortable or requires more than I am willing to give. So I dove in to the Bible, to get clear on what the Word says about self-control, vows and weakness and I was able to get a clearer view of what God desires when it comes to "sticking to my guns".

Everyone knows that verse about the spirit being willing, but the flesh being weak (Mark 14:38). This has become a memory verse for me because it explains so much of how I have been feeling lately. I have a desire in my spirit to do what is right and of God, and sometimes I start out strong, but my flesh is so VERY weak that I often fail (Romans 7:18-20). Because of our sin, we are all weak in one way or another. Weakness is a given, but thankfully we have Jesus who came to atone for our weaknesses and to show us how to persevere through them:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

The Bible is also clear that weakness is opportunity for Jesus to take control and provide strength in all storms.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I know that Christ has called me to a life that strives to glorify Him in everything. This is my desire, to honor Him with my mouth and my actions. Part of that involves taking the vows I make to Him and others seriously. By not following through with the things I say, I am not proving myself to be one whose words can be trusted.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. - Ecclesiastes 5:4

Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: “This is what the LORD commands: When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said. - Numbers 30:1-2

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ - Matthew 5:33

What this tells me is that we must take the vows that we make seriously and honor them. I find that I have good intentions and that those good intentions allow me to achieve a portion of the things I want to do. But intentions are not the same as devotion. When we devote ourselves to fulfilling the promises we make to the Lord then we set ourselves up for God to move. What I am learning, the hard way, is that not taking this process seriously keeps me from fully understanding what God has in store for me and receiving all the blessings and insights He may have planned.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. - Titus 2:7-8

I want integrity. I want to be set apart. But to do this, I have to remain faithful to the One within whom my faith lies. I understand that while I may have a past that doesnt reflect the desire of my heart to be a woman of my word, I will not beat myself up but will use this truth and revelation to learn and grow closer to God and the person He is calling me to be.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. - 2 Peter 1:5-8

I am so glad that my friend brought this up. God used that honesty to reveal an area of my life that was not glorifying Him. There is so much I need to learn still about sin and how it effects my relationship with Jesus. My attitude towards this and other sins is casual and enabling. I do not hate sin as the Lord hates it. I do not take separation from Him seriously enough. But there is a desire within me to right these wrongs and to grow closer to Him. I know I have been lacking in this area, and that God has worked with, and even in spite of, these things to bring about His glory. I will always have weakness. There was only One who lived life without it. However, part of the beauty of becoming more like Christ is trading the old for the new. I urge you to see if you share this struggle in your own life. If you do, seek God's truth on the matter and lay it down. Let Him change your mind about sin and the way you represent yourself through your words and promises. If you let Him get control of your mind and your will, He will also change your heart in time. That is His promise and He always keeps His promises.

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age... -Titus 2:11-12

Born that We May Have Life

2010-12-12T14:40:00.000-06:00

...AND HAVE IT MORE ABUNDANTLY.

It's pretty much standard in today's society that parents want the best for their kids. Oops, that was wrong. They want better-than-they-had-it-best for their kids. That's really nice of them, huh? I think you'll agree that it's bittersweet when parents utter those kind words of a hopeful better world for their children.

Well, do you know what's even nicer? Jesus wanted the same for us, only instead of material and worldly things, he came so that we could have LIFE and have it more abundantly. Jesus, the baby, was given by God, the Father, to be born...so that he could one day be the substitute for our sins. That is quite a hefty sacrifice, if you ask me!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10

We as humans cannot even begin to imagine how abundant life really is. Our definitions do not even comprise the idea that Christ had in store when he sent his Son to die on the cross for us. I really did not start pondering on a deeper meaning of the word abundantly until recently. This verse comes in the middle of Jesus' "I am the Good Shepherd" statement. In a literal sense, He laid down as a good shepherd across a walkway, so that His sheep could have a more abundant life. Wow! That's great!

Now, my take (let's remember, it's not all-comprehensive to the ideas that God has in my for my life) on this abundant life is one that involves being joyful in everything, rich in His blessings, a giver and a friend- not only to those in need- but to His people, filled with meaningful actions purposely done to glorify His name!

What is your definition of this more abundant life? Since he has made such a great sacrifice for us, how are you making sure to live your life more abundantly each day?

Beauty for Ashes

2010-12-08T22:33:00.000-06:00

I delight myself in the richest of fare

trading all that I have, for all that is better

a garment of praise, for my heaviness

take this heart of stone

and make it yours

- "Beauty for Ashes" by Shane and Shane

A few days ago, I wrote a blog about healing and Jesus as the healer. At the time, I was resting in that truth and finding great peace in that promise. But, just a few hours later, the enemy had already crept in to "steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10) all of the good things that Jesus had been giving me. And I let him do it. My spirit is willing to trust and obey, but my flesh is so weak against the temptations of this world (Matthew 26:41). And don't think that the enemy doesn't know that. He knows that our weakness will lead us away from truth and in to lands that are not of God. For me, I find that my heart is growing hard against the Lord (and the work that He is doing in my heart) because it is uncomfortable and unasked for. I want to encourage all of you away from this practice. This is not a right response. I am speaking these words of truth for myself as well. So that I can continue to fight against my flesh in search of the spirit.

Blessed is the one who always trembles before God,
but whoever hardens their heart falls into trouble. - Proverbs 28:14

A hard heart is in no way a good thing. It keeps us from fully understanding the will of God and receiving His spirit of peace. When we close out the spirit of God, and trust our own devices, it makes God angry (Zechariah 7:12) and it keeps us from the healing that is ours to have and that the Lord longs to give.

For this people’s heart has become calloused;
   they hardly hear with their ears,
   and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
   hear with their ears,
   understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them. - Acts 28:27

Certainly it is hard to let the Lord in and break down those walls if we fight it every step of the way. However, if we would just surrender to the will of God then He would have the freedom and reign to truly move and act, for the good of those who love Him. He moves for My good and for HIS good purposes. If you look at that equation, God is doing all the work and I am receiving His best. It doesn't get much easier than that. So why do I fight it? Why do I insist on fighting tooth and nail for my way, a way that is obviously less than the best? It seems silly to exhaust myself on hardening my heart.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. - Psalm 51:12

God knows my heart here, and if you are wrestling through things then He knows yours too. He understands that our flesh is weak. But He also knows that are spirits are willing. And when our spirits are willing then amazing things can be done. His strength can overcome our weakness. More than that, He can even use or weakness for His purposes. The Bible says, in Ecclesiastes 3, that there is a time and season for everything under the sun.

   a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend... (vs. 3-7)

Feel your despair and your loss. It is there for a reason. It is meant to teach you something. And chances are you are meant to learn IN it just as much as you are THROUGH it. So do not deny yourself the blessings of being exactly where God wants you. But, also, move on when it's time to move on. Do not sit in that place of despair until your flesh weakens and your heart hardens. Let God move you from that place in to acres of hope (Hosea 2:14-16).

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners...
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair. - Isaiah 61:1-3

This is my plea, dear friends, for you and for myself. That we would accept whatever comes. Be it sorrow or joy and allow ourselves to find what God wants for us in that. My prayer for you is that you would be mindful of the condition of you heart and that you would watch carefully and not grow weary. Hard times will come. That is a certainty. But so will good times. The same God allows for both. And He has a reason for us being there. Let your hearts be moldable to God's will. Choose to turn the hardened heart in to a willing spirit.

Healer

2010-12-07T01:06:00.000-06:00

A while ago, a dear friend of mine asked me to do a homework assignment that I never "turned in". Even though I never completed the assignment, the memory of that question has remained with me. The question asked was what Bible verses point to the characteristics of God that mean the most to me? (Or something to that effect. If you are reading this, friend, know that I am paraphrasing you)

One of my favorite images of God, is that of healer. This is a particularly precious aspect of God, for me, because I have walked through my share of fires and felt stings that I did not think I could bear. And yet, I made it to the other side - whole and with great joy. Not because I was resilient or strong, but because Jesus healed me. And He continues to heal me. This is made possible, because He intercedes on my behalf on a daily basis and goes where I can not go and does what I can not do.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
and by his wounds we are healed."

- Isaiah 53:5

What I am learning, through very difficult means, is that God delights in showing us His ways. Sometimes, to reach that goal, He has to let us walk through whatever pitfall will take us to His feet. In these times, He is near, and He hears, but He may not move when and how we would like.

"We hoped for peace
but no good has come,
for a time of healing
but there is only terror."

- Jeremiah 8:15

In these moments, it seems that God has forsaken us. And in my life, this has led to anger and frustration. If God loves me, then why am I not healing? And the answer is that God's ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). Which, loosely translated, means "because God said so". It stinks at the time. We want to heal, and move forward and learn from our mistakes - not sit in them. But just as the shepherd sometimes breaks the leg of the wandering sheep, Jesus also breaks us on occasion.

For he wounds, but he also binds up;
he injures, but his hands also heal.

- Job 5:18

That is the flip side of the coin. The shepherd breaks the lamb's leg so that he can keep an eye on him. In essence, he hurts him to help him. Jesus is good to us in this way. He knows when we need His help (even when we don't see it) and He is not against breaking a few bones to help us get to where we need to be. Although He wounds, He also heals.

Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed;
save me and I will be saved,
for you are the one I praise.

- Jeremiah 17:14

I believe that God loves to take the damaged and let them dance. However, healing requires effort on our part. He will heal us. But we must first believe that He is the healer. We must reach for the Lord's garment if we expect to be healed by its touch. He wants to heal us, but we have to first acknowledge that He can.

“Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
   but he will heal us;
he has injured us
   but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
   on the third day he will restore us,
   that we may live in his presence. "

- Hosea 6:1-2

These words of Hosea are precious to me. They sum this up so beautifully. The Lord sometimes tears us to pieces, BUT He WILL heal is. He will REVIVE and RESTORE us to a better condition than we started in. In order for this to happen we must RETURN to Him. We have to go back to the one who has called us and let Him do His thing. And when He heals, we must LIVE IN HIS PRESENCE. That is why He heals us. To bring us closer to Him. The injured lamb gets carried by the shepherd. He rides on His shoulders until he can walk on his own again. Painful? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. But think of all the time that little lamb gets to spend with the one who loves him enough to hurt him. Live in that presence. To do so is a gift bought by the suffering of one who paid a much greater price. By His wounds, we are HEALED. Amen.

You are my Joy

2010-11-30T15:10:00.003-06:00

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. -Philippians 4:4

You know what has been on my mind lately? Joy. I have been thinking recently about the joy in my life and sometimes the lack thereof and the situations in which it is present and the situations in which it is not.

Recently I was in a situation that brings me great joy to think about but it also brings sadness. The joy comes from the situation itself and the sadness from my reaction and the way I handled the situation at the time. Now out of all of this I have begun to think about why it is that I acted that way and how I could let my joy be stolen from me. Do you know what conclusion I came to? Do you know who the culprit was? Me and my sin. My sin stole my joy. My selfishness did not allow me to look beyond my own expectations and feelings long enough to take joy in the situation presented to me. Not only did it not allow me to take joy in that situation but my actions also stole the joy from someone very close to me who was also involved.

I know that I am probably rambling and anyone who reads this is wondering what point I am trying to make. Let me enlighten you: SIN STEALS YOUR JOY. You become so wrapped up in your own wants, desires, expectations, and self that you cannot see the wonderful gift that your Father is presenting you. You cannot see Him or hear from Him when you are too busy listening to your own voice telling you that life isn't fair and this isn't the way you wanted this to go. The world tells you that you deserve the best and that anyone who says different doesn't love you or care about you and you should leave them behind. But God's Word tells us that we deserve death (Romans 6:23; Romans 3:23). God's Word tells us that it is by GRACE ALONE that we are able to come into the Father's presence at all (Romans 9:16; Ephesians 2:8-9). This thought alone should be cause for great joy in our lives!

It is an unfortunate thing for the Christian to be melancholy. If there is any man in the world that has a right to have a bright, clear face and a flashing eye, it is the man whose sins are forgiven him, who is saved with God's salvation.

-Charles Spurgeon

Brothers and sisters, I plead with you not to let the sin in your life steal your joy. You may be in a situation similar to mine where you don't recognize your own selfishness or the effects of your sin on others around you. Search your heart. Ask the Lord to bring this sin to light so that you may repent! Ask the Lord to return to you the "joy of your salvation" (Psalm 51:12).

Sorrow for sin should be the keenest sorrow; joy in the Lord should be the loftiest joy. -Charles Spurgeon

I must confess that I did not come to these conclusions on my own. I had help from a very good and sweet friend that spoke Truth to me and made me see my sin and what I had allowed it to do.

A Time to be Thankful

2010-11-25T10:04:00.000-06:00

I am sure that many people are contemplating what they are thankful for today, on this day that we so creatively call Thanksgiving Day. At least, I hope that's what they're doing! There really is little to worry about with the feast and all {after all, my green bean casserole is PERFECTLY DIVINE every time I make it, so I'm definitely not worried about starving this year} because many of us would jump at the chance to make any other day of the year a feast day to stuff ourselves and nap over and over throughout the day.

If nothing else, this day serves as a reminder that I don't practice being outwardly thankful for everything in my life. Salvation, family, friends, love, being an American, having a job... in addition to many other material things that are just a small cherry on top of the HUGE sundae God made when he gave up his Son to die on the cross for us!

So go ahead and make your list -check in twice in preparation for Christmas!- of what you're thankful for, and remember what should be listed as the all-time number one thing you're thankful for.

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; for His steadfast love endures forever!" -Psalm 118:1

Believe, you, Jesus

2010-11-23T23:24:00.000-06:00

In Mark, chapter 9, Jesus comes upon a man arguing with his disciples. This man was a father, who had a son that was being seized by impure spirits. In desperation, this father had asked the disciples to heal his son and found that they could not. In steps Jesus, and the spirits within the boy had a physical reaction to the nearness of the Lord. Seeing this scene, Jesus responds with these honest words,

“You unbelieving generation,” Jesus replied, “how long shall I stay with you? How long shall I put up with you? Bring the boy to me.” Jesus asked the boy’s father, “How long has he been like this?” “From childhood,” he answered. “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

- Mark 9:19-24

Several things stand out to me about this passage. First, Jesus' reaction the father is somewhat surprising to me. The Jesus in my head is gentleness and compassion. To be sure, He IS those things. But His response here is bordering on frustration towards a generation with doubting hearts. This father is desperate and He knows that Jesus and His disciples offer some hope - why else would he be carrying on so? He is crying out for help, to save his child. What parent wouldn't? But he needed a miracle. He needed for the impossible to happen. Did he believe that Jesus was special? I believe he did. I think he had hope that THIS man could be the answer. But did He think that Jesus could do the miraculous? No. He may have wanted to, but doubt crept in and made him question, made him doubt his hope. And thus, he believed and still had unbelief.

I have been there myself. I have wanted to believe that God could do wondrous things in my life and the lives of others. I have desired for Him to swoop in and right my wrongs. And I have desperately prayed for Jesus to do something major and miraculous in my life. And in my praying and seeking, I fully believed that Jesus was huge and big. But when it comes down to it, there is still a piece of me that has trouble letting go of that unbelief. But I am not alone in this problem:

In the Old Testament, we know that God helped Moses lead the Israelites out of Egypt. In doing so, He provided a slew of signs and wonders to help them get by. He provided a cloud by day and a fire by night to lead them through the wilderness. He made it rain manna from Heaven that they would eat and not be hungry. He made water from the rocks so that they might not thirst. And He parted a Red Sea so that they might escape their enemies. In all this, God was faithful. And yet, at every turn, the Israelites grumbled and complained to Moses about their state and conditions.

There is great power in the one who is full of belief in God and the promises about who He says He is and what He says He will do.

¹¹ As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame." Romans 10:9-11

And yet, most of us are like Thomas. We need to see to believe. There must be proof before there is a commitment. But what are we asking God to prove? That He can? That He will? That He wants to? Thomas said:

“Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

And in His mercy, the Lord provided help for the unbelief, when He said to Thomas,

“Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” - John 20:25-29

Jesus must get frustrated with our lack of faith. We have seen that in the scriptures. And yet, He continues to answer our call for sight. He continues to show us what we need to see to trust and follow Him. Jesus knows we are a people born of weakness who desire belief, but also struggle with unbelief. He has designed the gospel to fulfill that need. This is also why He performed those signs and wonders we spoke of. The book of John closes with these verses:

Jesus performed many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not recorded in this book. But these are written that you may believe^[b] that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name. - John 20:30-31

Where are you right now when it comes to belief? Are you finding it easy to believe? Or are you experiencing a Thomas moment? Maybe, like the father in the first example you are wrestling with unbelief in a desperation to find belief. Wherever you are at, offer it up to Jesus. Ask Him to help you with your unbelief and He will. His desire, His whole plan, is that we would believe and have life in Him.

Hurts So Good

2010-11-15T16:45:00.001-06:00

Do you wonder why you have to,
feel the things that hurt you,
if there's a God who loves you,
where is He now?

Maybe, there are things you can't see
and all those things are happening
to bring a better ending
some day, some how, you'll see, you'll see

Would dare you, would you dare, to believe,
that you still have a reason to sing,
'cause the pain you've been feeling,
can't compare to the joy that's coming

so hold on, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the dark before the morning

com'n, you got to wait for the light
press on, just fight the good fight
because the pain you've been feeling,
it's just the hurt before the healing
the pain you've been feeling,
just the dark before the morning
before the morning

- Josh Wilson "Before the Morning"

This song has been running through my mind a lot lately. It feels like this song was written for me, in this season of my life. And I am sure, all of you have had a season in your life where this song would have applied. Maybe you are in it right now. What I find interesting is that when you turn on the radio, there are so many songs about pain and sorrow. Even on the Christian radio stations. Life can be hard. That is a fact. So whether you have just entered in to the tough spots or are on the mend, take heart.

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

- 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Make no mistake about it, these troubles are momentary. They will flee sooner or later. I need this reminder sometimes. I need to know that this pain is a temporary one. I see it like this... when we work out, the body feels it. And for a few days afterward we are sore and in pain. And sometimes this pain limits our movement and makes us regret the workout that got us there. But... the pain goes away. What's more is that the pain is necessary so that our body can build muscle and get stronger. We have to hurt a little now, to grow stronger later. This happens slowly, and take time and discipline. And so it is with us. We must go through a little pain to let our character grow. This is a slow process, it will not happen overnight. But it would NEVER happen if we didn't exercise our character by testing and stretchign it beyond it's comfort zone.

"Not only so, but wealso glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. "

- Romans 5:3-4"

When I was in high school I heard a sermon at camp once that changed my view of trials. This guy said, every Christian life goes through peaks and valleys. Both are exceedingly necessary in the life of a Christian. Those peaks are wonderful for providing rest and closeness to God. But the valleys are where life happens. If you look at real mountains, there are no trees on the peaks. But in the valley, the trees grow and flourish. Life happens in the valley. It can be a hard process to walk through them, and it may hurt and confuse us. But, God will provide a way out. We won't stay in the valley forever. And the peak will feel and taste a whole lot sweeter for all the trouble it took to get there.

"Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy."

- Psalm 126:5

"You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever. " - Psalm 30:11-12"

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Matthew 11:25-30

Joy will come. Crying will cease. Peace will replace chaos and confusion. Broken hearts will be mended. This may not happen when we think it should or how we'd hoped it would. But... the Lord is gracious and He is faithful. He longs to hold us close and He loves to meet our every need. Embrace the moments of weakness. They will come no matter what. Why not make the most of them by celebrating the opportunity to trust God more?

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.

I do not give to you asthe world gives.

Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

- John 14:27

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows."

- 2 Cor. 1:3-5

Blessed Beyond Measure

2010-11-09T19:56:00.000-06:00

I guess if I wanted a thorough title that actually describes this post it really should be "Blessed Beyond Measure...but-I-am-really-bad-at-being-a-receiver-of-blessings-so-I-really-don't know-what-else-to-do-at this-current-stage-in-my-life-but-continue-to-surrender."

Literally. That is all I want to say. Well, the main points, but I could go on forever. Watch out.

Most recently the Lord has blessed me with peace and opportunity. Peace with his will for my life. And opportunities that abound out of nowhere and challenge me completely.

"May the Lord give strength to his people! May the Lord bless his people with peace!" -Psalm 29:11

Now, I am not a very peaceful person generally. But somehow the Lord has provided me with a sense of calmness and contentment in a certain area of my life. I would venture to say I am so peaceful that I am just about 100% indifferent with where the Lord takes me in this area. This is a very awesome and comforting feeling!

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubles, neither let them be afraid." -John 14:27

Of course I struggle with and pray daily that Satan does not steal this peace from me! I urge others to purge wonderings of what others think of you, past failures, fear of unknown circumstances, worry, and conflicts from their minds.

Opportunities-wise, the Lord has blessed me in immeasurable ways. I am TERRIBLE at receiving gifts. It's better to give than receive right? That's the way I like to see it. But when we are being blessed by those around us and given opportunities directly from the Lord we cannot pass that up with our nose in the air looking beyond it as if we never saw it come slap us in the face like a fly swatter. Yes, I have done that before, and yes, I agree that was not a smart move. I stumbled upon this quote by Watchman Nee, and I have come to realize that the biggest hindrance to God's blessings for me was MYSELF. Oops- my bad. So I am definitely working on removing this hindrance from the Lord's blessings I have received.

"Today it should be our main concern so to
live that God will not have to withdraw His blessing. On the one
hand we must learn to rely upon it; on the other hand we must
learn to deal with everything that would hinder it." -Watchman Nee

???Are you missing out on peace or blessings because of refusal to receive them from the Lord? What are your hindrances in this area???

That's My Boat

2010-11-08T23:42:00.000-06:00

This weekend I visited my old church and got to hear one of my favorite preachers deliver a good Word on standing firm in adversity. While there were many golden nuggets in his message (which you can hear in its entirity here: http://www.tnova.org/media.php?pageID=22, under the date 11/7/10), the one that stood out to me was this quote:

"There are things we learn in the storm that we can not learn on the shore".

- Pastor Kyle Cheatham

How very, very true. Most people hate the storms of life because they bring chaos to our routines and habits. They force us in to an unwanted place of DIScomfort, and we are a people who love our own comfort. It is much easier to enjoy life from the shore, where we can watch the wind and the waves, but not necessarily feel them. I would say that many people would prefer the safe and secure life, but this is seldom where the growth occurs.

I am reminded of the story of Peter's walk on the water with Jesus. Peter and the other disciples where in a boat, on the water, in the middle of a terrible storm. And Jesus comes walking toward them, on the water. The disciples were afraid and Jesus calmed them by revealing Himself to them.

"Peter answered him, 'Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.' He said, 'Come.' So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Jesus immediately reached out his hand and caught him, saying to him, 'You of little faith, why did you doubt?' - Matthew 14:28-31

Peter was a fisherman by trade. He knew how to work a boat and had done so many times. And yet, the storm of this night was enough to make even him afraid of capsizing. He and his disciple friends were trying to figure out the best plan of action when along came Jesus, walking on the water. And Peter asked to join Him in the water. In the midst of these terrible conditions, Peter had eyes only for Jesus, and he asked to join Him in the wind and the waves.

What I love about this story is the fact that it forces me to think about the driving force in my own life, is it faith or fear? Fear keeps us rooted in the boat (or on the shore), where we feel safe. But faith gives us that courage to step out of the boat, and risk failure.

In verse 22 , the Bible says, "Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd." Did you catch that? Jesus put the disciples in the boat and sent them out. He knew the storms were coming and He sent them in to it anyway, in a tiny boat no less. There will always be storms in life, even for those who are obedient to do what the Lord asks. The disciples were not spared the discomfort of the storm simply by entering the boat at Jesus' command. But when Jesus came, at the most unexpected moment and in the most unexpected circumstances, only one voice asked to join Jesus in the water.

Peter stepped out, and he did sink. But did he fail? He alone stepped in to the water, for no other reason than because that was where Jesus was at. He sensed the opportunity to be near Him and to do something that required faith and he "came toward Jesus" while the others remained in the boat. That is not failure. That is faith. It is true that sometimes faith fails us when we need it most. Sometimes our initial faith fails us and we sink. But even then, Jesus is near enough to lift us up. The other eleven disciples stayed safe in the boat. They let their fear keep them from doing something remarkable. Only Peter got to experience the joy of walking on the water with Jesus.

I ask you today: what is your boat? What is that thing in your life that keeps you comfortable and safe? What are you afraid of losing and leaving the most? That is your boat. And where are you in regards to that boat? Are you sitting firmly in it? Are you straddling the boat with one foot in the water? Or have you stepped out of the boat to walk towards Jesus?

In this moment of your life, what is guiding you, your fear of the storm, or your faith in the one who made it?

Much of this comes from the book "If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat" by John Ortberg. For anyone who is interested.

Words of wisdom in the beauty of song...

2010-11-02T12:46:00.005-06:00

This is a song that I never get tired of singing and it's a wonderful reminder. Enjoy!

I will not take My love away

when praises cease and seasons change

the whole world turns the other way

I will not take My love away

I will not leave you all alone

when striving leads you far from home

when there's no yield for what you've sown

I will not leave you all alone

I will give you what you need

in plenty or in poverty

forever, always, look to Me

and I will give you what you need

I will not take My love away

"I Will Not Take My Love Away" by Matt Wertz

Beneficial versus Permissible

2010-11-01T15:36:00.000-06:00

I am what most people would call an emotional thinker. My heart is perpetually on my sleeve, and usually across my face, for everyone to see and interpret. Quite often I let my feelings dictate the way I think about something. As in "I feel at peace about this" or "this just feels right to me". I was content to just go about my merry way and chalk this up to one of the things that make me Leslie. However, I have recently been asked two questions that have caused me to stop and think about this:

1) Is it unBiblical to trust your feelings?
2) Should we just accept that something is right because it is considered inherent to our personality?

The second question is much easier to answer. No, we should certainly not just allow ourselves freedom to act a certain way because that is "who we are". One of the best things I have read about this came from one of my dear friends blogs (entitled Knowing Aint Even half the Battle). He said it so good the first time that I will let him say it now:

"i know my tendency is to chalk up certain things to "that's just how i'm wired." God has obviously wired us all uniquely and specifically and i'm not suggesting all of our personalities should dissolve so that we're a bunch of Christ-bots with no humanity in us. BUT we should be characterized by Christ and we should deny the flesh. the point is that people see Christ, not us...because our personalities/emotions are natural, we embrace and justify them, but our sin is natural, too, and we seek to deny it. where is that line drawn? denying ourselves is made up of more than just doing what Christ wants. it means doing the things Christ wants with the attitude Christ would have. of course, the key to that is wanting what Christ wants so much so that it becomes what "we" want."
One of the most convicting verses for me is 1 Corinthians 10:23,

“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive."

It would be very easy to say, "I am just a bear in the morning" (which I have actually said before), and then allow ourselves to act grumpy and rude to people because hey, we gave them fair warning. But I think that the Bible is very clear on the fact that we should deny our flesh and pursue the fruits of the Spirit, which last time I checked did not include "grumpy" or "cranky". And here is how this ties in, because I ask myself should I be allowed to let my emotions control me because I am an "emotional" person? Heck no. While it is permissible for me to have feelings and use them, it is not entirely beneficial for me to let them be my benchmark for decision making or compass for guidance. Why? (pay attention because this is the answer to question #1):

We have been given emotions so that we may know Christ and His love more fully and so that we may show this love to others. God encourages us to emote by asking us to show the fruits of the Spirit - peace, joy, patience and love - in Galatians 5:22. However, one of the other fruits He mentions is "self-control". This was added because of the list of emotions he gives right before the fruits of the Spirit in Galatians 5:20 - "hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy". As believers, we are entitled to emotions. They are natural and they are always present. But they are not always good and they are not always right. Even the good emotions can be misleading. We can put so much stock on emotions that we forget logic and run headlong in to a terrible situation because it felt "fun" or "good" or "easy". Emotions change with circumstances and with our mood. They are hard to predict and therefore harder to trust. This may be why the Bible instructs us that:

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.Who can understand it?" - Jeremiah 17:9

"There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death. " - Proverbs 14:12

"Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe. " - Proverbs 28:26

Even Paul thought he was doing the right thing when he persecuted the Jews, "I too was convinced that I ought to do all that was possible to oppose the name of Jesus of Nazareth"(Acts 26:9). He believed that he was being led in this way, to the point that he was "convinced" inside himself.

Our emotions are helpful in telling us how to decipher conviction and for leading us in to worship and intimacy with God. They are important for us to understand the pain of others and to have compassion and sympathy for those who suffer. Not all emotions are bad. Some are very, very good. We are called over and over again to love and kindness. However, we can not base our decisions on the way that we feel. Jeremiah 10:23 says, "LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps". Our wisdom and discernment should not be internal. The driving force behind our actions should come from the knowledge of an external source, the Bible. This should be our road map and compass for deciding what is good and right and beneficial to our lives.

"All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." 2 Timothy 3:16-17

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105

Believe me, I am struggling through this myself. I basically live my life by the way I feel at a given moment. I seek to understand my own feelings far more than I seek to understand how God feels about something. I have had a surge of emotions lately that have been confusing and changing. It has been hard for me to keep up with them and harder for me to understand them. But, in light of what the Bible has made clear, I need to stop focusing on my feelings and start balancing them with the facts. And those can only be found inside the Bible and can be interpreted by the Holy Spirit within me. In this I feel quite confident.

Singin' it loud and proud

2010-10-27T22:18:00.000-05:00

I love music. Playing, arranging, creating, praising with, dancing to, listening to, and especially singing! I LOVE it all.

"Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God." -Colossians 3:16

Naturally one of my favorite ways to worship Jesus, My Savior, is by singing. Loudly and proudly, mind you. When I was younger I couldn't wait to sing the hymn of the week for my Sunday School teachers at church- often winning prizes for singing more than one per week and finishing early. I used to get all the fancy solos in the church musicals. I always looked forward to talent show each year as a youngster in a Christian school. Don't worry- I 'kept it cool' in first grade with that stylin' number and some great sunglasses. I think you get the point.

"Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing praise." -James 5:13

Somewhere in time (I know exactly when, but doesn't it sound better to pretend like I don't?) I lost my yearning to praise Jesus through song. This lasted about 5 years. I am not a quiet person- and especially with how much I love(d) singing, I could not stand seeing myself stand in silence at church while everyone around me burst forth with songs of joy. I was no longer the one to be found singing solos and certainly not the one to be begging to bust out the old hymns at any given time. I prayed for quite some time that the Lord would renew my longing to sing and praise Him for all He had done for me. It started off slowly and I saw a morph in my spirit, attitude, and ability to sing. I know the initial prideful, human, and selfish reasons why I lost my yearning to praise Him through song, but it is something I've forgiven myself for and been given it as well. In the past couple (I mean 5) years I have gained back my willingness to PRAISE THE LORD! And, ohhhh, how refreshing it is!! One of my favorite times during the week is leading worship with my Sunday School class while playing the keyboards. Nothing else matters at that time! I am loving serving the Lord through song!

"A Psalm for giving thanks. Make a joyful noise to the Lord, all the earth! Serve the Lord with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!" -Psalm 100:1-2

My prayer is that well all continue to do worship through song and never lose sight of why we do so. It is such a sad time to see those who love the Lord refusing to use their voices to make beautiful music. No matter how musical or un-musical, let's all REJOICE!

"Praise the Lord! Praise God in his sanctuary; praise him in his mighty heavens! Praise him for his mighty deeds; praise him according to his excellent greatness! praise him with trumpet sound; praise him with lute and harp! praise him with tambourine and dance; praise him with strings and pipe! Praise him with sounding cymbals; praise him with loud clashing cymbals! Let everything that has breath praise the Lord! Praise the lord!" -Psalm 150

Will You, or won't You?

2010-10-25T17:03:00.000-05:00

Recently I was at a concert where the story of Shadrach, Meschach and Abednego was referenced. The fiery furnace is a story that most people are familiar with, I mean there is even a Veggie Tales story about it. And yet, rereading it again this weekend, I was reminded of just how in control God is when we allow Him to be.
The story is about 3 men who were made "administrators over the province of Babylon" by the King, under the request of the dream-interpreter Daniel. To sum up the story, the King had a golden idol made and asked that his servants bow down and serve the idol when they heard the music being played. And everyone in the town did as they were told, they worshipped a golden statue out of fear and obedience, except for three. These three refused to bow down and they were forced before the King to explain themselves:

"Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? ¹⁵ Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipes and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?" - Daniel 3:13-15

It was a do or die moment for these three brave men. They had the choice to act on their own fear and obey an earthly master, in an effort to save face and escape death. Or, they could trust in their Lord and His will and risk it all. They had a difficult choice to make - the King's will or the Lord's will?

Before we talk about their answer, I want to mention another way that God was speaking to me this weekend. I had gone with my boyfriend to a wedding outside of Dallas. We took my mother's car and ended up sloshing through a few muddy pastures in our quest for the wedding venue. I returned the car to my mother looking a little worse for the wear. I decided to spend some time washing the car and returning it to the state with which it was loaned to me. My 3-year old son asked to help and I agreed, seeing an opportunity to teach him about hard work and responsibility. We worked alongside each other - me washing and him slapping the car with an overly wet cloth. I allowed him to help me, knowing that I would likely have to rewash the areas that he had "washed" himself. I spent some time upfront, explaining and modeling how to wash the car and then left him alone to practice. Part of me wanted to correct him and take over, knowing that my work load would be easier if I did. But he seemed to enjoy the process of trying and doing and he was trying so hard to do what mommy was doing. It struck me in that moment what an illustration of free will that was.

God can do everything perfectly, He does not make mistakes. He can handle any situation that is placed before Him, without our help. But, He allows the opportunity to try things on our own and to work things out the way we want to. God knows that sometimes this means that He will have to come back and "rewash" the things we think we have washed. And He knows that at times we are making a mess of things and giving Him more work to do in the long run. And still, He does not take over. He does not get angry at our efforts. The Bible is our instruction manual, in that way we have received the lessons and modeling that we need to live a life that echoes Christ. I think God knows that those who love Him want to look like Him and enjoy trying to follow in His footsteps. He allows us free will because He knows that our heart's desire is to choose and follow his lead and He enjoys teaching us how to do that.

Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego were offered that same opportunity. They were allowed the choice of whether to follow their earthly King or the Heavenly King. God did not choose for them, or force them to choose Him. But here is what happened:

"Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "O Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. ¹⁷ If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. ¹⁸ But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up." Daniel - 3:16-18

They chose to follow God, even though doing so would lead them in to the fiery furnace. They knew that following God would save them and that God would honor their choice. They submitted to God's will and trusted that He would save them. But, they added, "EVEN IF HE DOES NOT". This phrase is so huge. Did they hope God would save them? Absolutely. Did they trust that He could? Certainly. But they knew enough not to assume anything about the will and power of God. They trusted that even if He didn't save them, even if He chose to let them suffer a fiery death, that His will was higher and bigger and better than the alternative.

And what happened in the end was that God did show up, and He saved them from death. He joined them in the flames and allowed them to be untouched by the heat. You see, God allows us to choose. We can choose many things in our life. That is the right that His son's blood gave us. What we do with that privilege is up to us. Will we crack against the "king's" of this world and the threats and pressures they put us under? Or will we choose to follow the will of the Father, knowing that it is always best, EVEN IF, it means the fiery furnace for us?

** I admit that part of this blog is stolen from an idea that I recently heard at a Shane and Shane concert. I heard something there that resonated with me and that stuck to my spirit long after the worship experience had ended. I used that nugget as a jumping off point for this post. While it may have been slightly stolen it is still sincere.

I thought studying was over.

2010-10-24T21:48:00.000-05:00

After recently completing 'Radical' by David Platt I was encouraged by the 5 challenges at the end of the book. If you want to see them all, visit this website here.

One of the challenges was to read through the entire Bible in one year. I was initially estimating that I've read through 90% of the Bible in studies, classes, lessons, sermons, and devotionals. But have I before purposely and consistently sat down and read the entire Bible before? No. Should I? OF COURSE. The Bible is our guide for life and we should trust in these truths only and actually spend time meditating on the Word. It's easy to say that you can meditate on the Word more than you listen to music or watch TV, but we shouldn't be comparing those spiritual and worldly rituals when we should be reading God's Word, applying it to our lives, and praying as much as possible- even if it means none of anything else.

"And now I commend you to God and to the word of his grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified." -Acts 20:32

Sooo even though I was encouraged by the 5 challenges, did I really have the motivation to be challenged? No. A friend recently asked if I had been following along with the reading plan and I hesitatingly said no. I had just been practicing the terrible habit of "ehh I'll start tomorrow." Why are we humans so good at procrastinating?

"The Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it." -Joshua 1:8

I am rarely the person to back away from a challenge- especially one that I felt convicted of already. So, in response to my title, I'd like to reiterate that the studying is never over for us! I would like to encourage you all to join me in my daily readings, as I promise to not miss a day from now on. Watch out, world- we are coming prepared with The Word. You can join me by seeing the plan here or finding one that suits you best.

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path." -Psalm 119:105

Sweet Providence

2010-10-22T12:12:00.004-05:00

And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. And those whom He predestined He also called, and those whom He called He also justified, and those whom He justified He also glorified.

-Romans 8:28-30

It has been surprising to me how many conversations that I have had with people about God's providence lately. I asked one of the girls that I disciple which book of the Bible she would like to go through and she said Ruth. I was really excited about that and was even more excited when I found out just the next day that that is the book that Pastor Mark would be going through on Sunday mornings as well. Beyond that just being a funny and seemingly coincidental story, the book of Ruth is all about God's providence!

Last week I spoke with another girl and our whole conversation was centered around God's providence and how amazing it is when we step back or we are just far enough removed from a situation to see how God worked everything out and how I do not see how it is possible for anyone to come to any other conclusion except that it was God who did it. No one in the world could ever work so many different situations in different people's lives together so perfectly and all the while for their GOOD! We serve an awesome God.

Just a day or so after that encouraging conversation I spoke with another girl and our conversation also seemed to lean towards God's providence. The things that happen in our lives that we think are just small and insignificant are never as they seem. God uses EVERY experience and every situation to grow us and for His glory.

More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

-Romans 5:3-5

As if all of that was not enough I had yet another conversation with a girl this week about a situation she is going through. We all need reminding sometimes, as she did, that God does not put us in any situation by accident. Nothing is going on in our lives that God has not perfectly orchestrated and let's not forget, for our GOOD.

I have shared with some people in the past about how I have personally seen God's providence in my own life. One of the sweetest and most memorable was in the time leading up to and even after my brother Scott's death. I'll share just a few. When Scott was in Iraq they did a "random" drawing of social security numbers to see who could go home for two weeks leave. It "just so happened" that Scott was one of the first to get that privilege and he got to come home and spend two weeks with us in October. At that point it had been a while since we had last seen him. The two weeks he spent with us were sweet but short. At the end we took him to the airport and said our goodbyes. Never did the thought enter my mind that that would be our final goodbye. As some of you know, Scott was killed in Iraq in April of 2004. Beyond just God allowing us to spend those precious two weeks with him, God was also working in each of our lives separately in the time leading up to April 5. I have described those months before as a time that I have never felt closer to God. I know that that was by design and not mistake. God had done that for me because He knew what was going to happen and because He LOVES me, He pulled me close in those months before and was able to comfort and hold me in a way that would not have happened if He had not. This is just a small glimpse into the many ways that God made Himself known to me and my family during that time. I am so grateful for those times and that God is now allowing me to see and recognize them. What a gracious and loving God we serve!

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

-James 1:2-4

I want to challenge you to think about the situations in your own life that have been hard and examine them with Biblical lenses. If you still are unable to see how God has used that situation for your good then I challenge you to ask Him to show you. And if you have not thanked God for them, I challenge you to do that as well.

Soli Deo Gloria!

Grace Upon Grace

2010-10-18T15:05:00.000-05:00

^"Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

In my personal life I am reading a book about God's grace. It is a study on how to recognize and receive God's grace and then how to also apply it in your own life. As is normally the case, the more I look for grace the more I see it in my own life. I am quite certain it has always been there, waning and waxing in differing amounts, as needed, but because my eyes have been opened I am seeing the evidence of grace a bit more clearly. One of those ways has been through the people God has placed in my life. I consider myself deeply blessed to have the inner circle that I have. If Christ's church is the body then we should be in the business of making sure our body stays healthy.

"Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing." 1 Thess. 5:11

And while that sounds well and good, sometimes it isn't. This week I have had the pleasure and pain of accountability and grace. And what I have come to realize is that these two things go hand in hand. On the one hand I was able to speak my conviction to a friend who received the information in love and extended grace to me in my time of need. There was no lecture, or condemnation, just a reminder to dwell in the Spirit.

^{^"Therefore,confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working." James 5:16}
And this act blessed my spirit because of the relief I felt at being forgiven and finding mercy where it was not required. But on the other hand, I spoke to another friend about a complaint, feeling that I was just in my concerns and aggravations. This friend listened, and then spoke the truth. It was a truth I had not wanted to hear, one that ultimately broke me and made me cry. But, it was a truth that I needed to hear. It took me somewhat longer to feel appreciative of this message and blessed by the giver.

"Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression,you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:1-2

Obviously, it feels better to offer mercy and forgiveness. That is a role that we, as Christians, should look forward to fulfilling. This is the role that sets us apart from other people in this world. We forgive, because we have had the ultimate forgiveness shown to us. We allow grace for wrongdoings, because God the Father was gracious in His love and kindness to us. And while showing grace and mercy and forgiveness may be hard to do, it nearly always feels like the right thing.

It is that other act that is the harder pill to swallow. Speaking harsh truths hardly ever feels good and it is not an act that we should enjoy doing. However, it is equally as important to the spiritual life of the believer. Sometimes we can not see the log in our own eye. At times, we are blind to the sin that so easily entangles us. And occasionally, we choose to not see the obviously dark path that we have stumbled upon. It is in those times that we need to be reminded of the truth, gently and in love.

^"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works..." Hebrews 10:24-25

It may not feel great to speak this truth and it certainly will not feel great to hear it. But this is true love. This is how other people will know that we are Christians, by our love for each other.

"Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Proverbs 27:6

If you consider yourself a believer, then you have an obligation to love others, especially the Body of Christ. If you also consider yourself a friend, then you have an obligation to walk beside your brothers and sisters and spur them on to "love and good works". I encourage you to pray throughout your day and think on the people in your life. Ask God how you can show grace and mercy to those He has placed around you. Think about those that you know who are caught up in bad habits, who are chasing after false gods and believing empty promises. Ask God how you can speak the truth to them today, in boldness and in love. Let God use you to show someone else a little more about His love and character.

A hole lot of Jesus

2010-10-12T10:11:00.000-05:00

"There's a God-shaped hole in all of us

And the restless soul is searching
There's a God-shaped hole in all of us
And it's a void only he can fill"

- Plum

Lately, I have been feeling like I am walking in the wilderness in my relationship with God. The fact is that I know He is there and I know that I should be desiring to be closer to Him. And in theory, I absolutely want this. But in truth, today, I am just not feeling it. Ever have those days when you just can't seem to make what you need equal what you want? The Apostle Paul said it like this:

" For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing." - Romans 7:18-19 (ESV)

It makes me feel better to know that even Paul struggled to get his wants and his reality to line up. The problem is this sin that lives inside me, the selfish desire to only do what feels good and right to me. In today's times, especially in this American society, we are rooted in the pursuit of freedom which translates in to feeling that we have the right to have whatever we want or can earn ourselves. But here is the deal, we don't really earn anything in this life, it is given to us

" Not that we are sufficient of ourselves to think of anything as being from ourselves, but our sufficiency is from God." - 2 Corinthians 3:5

And it is not given to us for our own discretion and delight, but for the works of the Kingdom

" And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work." - 2 Corinthians 9:8

Yes, I am in the wilderness right now and that is natural. And in this weakened state it is also natural to be in thirsty and in want. And just as surely as God provided manna form Heaven for the Egyptians, He will also provide for our needs. He will give us OUR daily bread if we would just ask.

"And my God shall supply all you need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:9

Paul knew what it was like to struggle and to fight his own desires. But in his time of need He realized that what He really needed was more of Jesus and less of himself. To really be of use, He needed to fill those empty holes with the things of Jesus, knowing that those things were gifts to use for God's glory and purposes. I think I miss most of that lesson in my everyday life. I understand that I fall short, and that there is an emptiness that happens when I rely only on myself. What I tend to forget is that these empty spaces signify a need for Christ. They are God-shaped holes that can not be fully quenched with the empty trappings of this world. God wants to fill them with Himself, but He also wants us to do something with the stuff He gives us. Something for Him, and not for ourselves. So today I find myself asking what it is that I really need today? And if I had it, how would I turn it back to God?

In Remembrance

2010-10-06T21:38:00.000-05:00

This past Saturday I attended my Grandpa's funeral. He was the only Grandpa I ever knew because my dad's father passed away when he was 4, which would make me negative 30 years old. As I sat there remembering him I could not think of a SINGLE time he raised his voice, said a harsh word, or was inappropriate. It was a great feeling!

At the same time I was kind of annoyed, because I sure can think of reasons for people to not think very highly of me. If I passed away today I don't think I'd be very happy with what legacy I'd leave behind. Moreso, I'd be unsatisfied with the amount of effort that I put into sharing The Gospel with others- friends or not. My Grandpa's favorite song of all time was "The Old Rugged Cross Made the Difference." He would tell people this all the time- no matter who they were. I'd say this is a good favorite song to have :)

We also took part in the Lord's Supper at church on Sunday night. "Do this in remembrance of me" gets me every time. We remember the blood Jesus Christ shed for me, which gave us grace and granted us mercy, and provided salvation for eternity. How awesome!

I know that others will not (and should not) remember me the same way we remember Christ, but we should be working to resemble Christ in every way- that way when they remember us they will really be remembering Christ and magnifying his name! That's how I see it now anyways.

How do you think people would remember you when you pass this worldly life? What would you like for them to remember? How will you work on that now? Hopefully good things...So now, let's all commence being the followers of Christ that we should be and show the world who we really would like them to remember!

Stumbling Blocks

2010-10-01T16:55:00.006-05:00

"Thus sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble". 1 Corinthians 8:12-13

A friend of mine brought this verse to my attention earlier this week and I have been thinking and praying on it a lot since then. I have read this verse maybe a thousand times over the course of my life yet I don't think that I ever really got the gravity of what it is that Paul is saying here. Paul tells us that if we do something that causes a brother or sister in Christ to stumble, we are sinning against Christ. I guess in my pride and arrogance I always thought that if they had a problem with me doing something that I have every right to do, that is their problem. I don't think that I really understood that it is a sin against my Savior. This is just one part of it...

Later on in chapter 9, Paul talks about surrendering his rights. He talks about being free in Christ to do as he pleases (so long as he is not sinning himself) but choosing not to for the sake of advancing the Gospel. In verse 19 of chapter 9 he says "For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them." And later on in verse 22 he says "I have become all things to all people, that by all means I might save some." How selfish and prideful I am to not sacrifice (I use this term lightly because it is really no sacrifice at all...) something so meaningless for something that couldn't mean more. If my not participating in something that, having freedom in Christ I am at liberty to do, could win souls for the Kingdom, WHY WOULD I CONTINUE TO DO IT? It says a lot about where my heart is if I think that my desires for a moment mean more than someone's salvation. Now, I may not ever say that out loud but isn't that what I am saying by acting this way?

I know that there are things in my life that I can cut out and "sacrifice" for the advancement of the Gospel; what about you?

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called..." -Ephesians 4:1

Brothers and sisters, we should constantly be examining our own lives through the eyes of our Lord.

"Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children." -Ephesians 5:1

Focal point.

2010-09-29T09:47:00.000-05:00

Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder
Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze
Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendour
You’re close and yet full of mystery
Ever since the day that I saw Your face
Try as I may, I cannot look away, I cannot look away…

Captivated by You
I am captivated by You
May my life be one unbroken gaze
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face

-'Captivated' by Vicky Beeching

Lord, please let my blinks and winks be mindful of your grace as well. So that I won't be staring into the distance looking for something I've never seen or felt before. I haven't physically seen a tangible 'you', but I constantly feel you. True, I do want to keep my focus on you while my eyes are open, but I hopehopehope that thoughts of you run through my head even when my eyes are closed-every split millisecond. My daydreams. My nightdreams. My nightmares. In times of focus, frustration, and fatigue. May all these shut-eye moments be filled with your unbelievable wonders that continue to amaze me so much that I have no choice but to see them come and pass with eyes wide open!

As much as we often SAY we want one unbroken gaze fixated upon the Lord, how often does that actually happen within us? This unbroken gaze is meant to be understood as whatever we want to be focused on. What we see in front of us or in our heads is what we are thinking about, no matter how often we admit it.
Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Psalm 12:1-2 says "To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us.

What are you fixated on? What consumes your thoughts and actions? Do you have the 'right' focus?

fear not

2010-09-27T15:00:00.000-05:00

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

A wise friend spoke this truth to me in the very recent past. In that moment, I was torn between listening to the voice in my head and trusting the truth in my heart. My head was throwing around words like "failure", "pain" and "rejection" while my heart was saying to trust and have faith. The voice in my head has a name, and that name is fear. It is fear that sometimes keeps me from doing those things that require a little bit more than I want to give. You know, those things that require more bravery, trust and sacrifice than I am comfortable giving.

My friends and I like to go sailing from time to time. I distinctly remember one occasion when the wind was up and the waters were a bit rougher than usual. The small sailboat was thrashing to and fro and the sides of the boat were dipping low in to the water. My friend and I laid across the bow of the boat with our fingers clinging to the side for support. I can recall the feeling of being dunked in to the waves and the water splashing our faces. There was a moment, when the boat tipped low, that it felt that I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. At the time, we laughed at how fearful we were of falling in and how we were "white knuckling" the boat. It was a fun experience, but an exhausting one. For days later, my knuckles and muscles were sore from gripping the boat so tightly. I often think about this when I find myself "white knuckling" the situations and people in my life. I want control and I sometimes wear myself out trying to hang on for dear life, unwilling to ride out the fear.

I have a 3 year old and he has decided that he no longer likes sleep. Even though his body clearly needs it, he fights it tooth and nail. Often times, he fights it so hard, and so long, that the tiredness literally consumes him and he becomes a whiny and miserable little guy. Last night, as I was rocking him to bed, he was fighting the sleep in a terrible way. He was fidgeting and singing and kicking his feet to keep himself awake. And as I rocked him and sang to him, I felt his body giving in and letting go. All at once he just relaxed and I felt the fight leave him. He was asleep within seconds.

My fear is real and it manifests itself in a number of different insecurities and defenses. But what I need to remember, is that "God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control"(2 Timothy 1:7). When I trust that God wants what is best for me and I rely on the promises He has made me, there is no need to fear. And those promises are vast and exceedingly more than I could ask for. He promises:

- to prosper and not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11)

- to never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6)

- to work for my good (Romans 8:28)

- to make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:6)

- to renew my strength (Isaiah 40:31)

- to carry out His plans for me (Philippians 1:6)

These promises are a solid and unchanging ground to stand on. When these truths reside in your heart, there is no room for fear. If we believe that God is a God who keeps His promises and trust that He knows what is best then we can let go and relax in the comfort of His provisions. We can stop fighting against God's purposes, a fight we will surely lose, and become a part of them. In the end, it will leave us a lot more refreshed and a lot less sore.

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before Him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart and He knows everything." - 1 John 3:19-20

Ifs, Ands or Maybes

2010-09-14T00:02:00.000-05:00

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. " - Matthew 5:37

When I was younger, and I wanted something, I knew exactly which tactics would produce the most desired outcomes. I had learned the tricks of the trade. I knew that mom would usually say ask dad, if you asked her first, and that dad would more than likely say yes. But mom, she had a number of answers: "maybe" (which meant no), "we'll see" (which meant she could be persuaded) and "probably" (which was a yes, but I will make you wait for it). Most of the time, mom said yes as well, she just took the longer route to getting there. In my youth, I did not care for this approach.

However, as an adult I have fully embraced it. Even if I don't say it, I think "maybe" or "we'll see" when it comes to decisions or paths in my way. The procrastinator in me takes over and steers me directly in to the path of unlimited grayness. And it is here that I like to sit and weigh my options, sort out the pros and cons and just refuse to make a decision. While this path is safe, it is not Biblical. Jesus has clearly instructed us to make a choice and to stand behind it. It is either "Yes" or "No", there is no room for the in between.

Making decisions is difficult sometimes because we often have conflict between our head and our heart, the facts and the feelings. And while it is good to wait on the Lord and to leave time to seek His face, it is not good to avoid making decisions. The time will come when a choice must be made. The Bible says to choose THIS day whom you will serve (Joshua 24:15). It does not say to wait for tomorrow (Matthew 6:34). It does not say to wait for more information. It says to choose service and to choose it NOW.

An old and wise man once told me, "don't let what you don't know rob you of what you do know". We may not get all the ducks to line up in a row. Occasionally, the pieces of the puzzle will not line up. But God doesn't want us in the gray, or the lukewarm (Revelation 3:16). He wants us to choose- this or that. But more than that, He wants us to choose Him and to be confident that this is the BEST choice (Proverbs 3:26, Jeremiah 29:11). Have you made your choice yet? What are you waiting for? What will you choose?