For Freedom

I like Reality TV quite a bit. Most of the shows I watch happen to be about people in their "real-life" situations, even though I realize most of them are either inappropriate or completely scripted. (Did anyone else watch The Hills or Laguna Beach?) I could go on for days about how I've been watching this stuff since I was too little to understand it, but I will now get to the point. The other day I was watching "Keeping Up with the Kardashians" on E! and heard a quote by one of the girls, of which I wish I could change the last half of the sentence.

"The best thing about life is knowing you’re not gonna be here forever. You know why? Because it makes you live that even more free.”

-Khloe Kardashian Almost, Khloe, almost. I would reword it like the below so as to relay the Gospel in a simple manner.

"The best thing about life is knowing you’re not gonna be here forever. You know why? Because God sent his one and only Son to die for ALL of our sin. It's only in the death and resurrection of Christ that we even have the freedom to LIVE at all, so let's do it for His glory."

-Children of God

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1 (ESV)

~LeeAnn

The bigger picture is there is a Holy calling
O, how I'm slowly falling!
Falling, falling in love.
And your water has been pouring out on me!
How could I be so naive?
It is for freedom, it is for freedom,
It is for freedom He set us free
Jimmy Needham's "For Freedom"

April Thankfulness

People in general (myself included) tend to forget about outward thankfulness until November rolls around each year. In the United States at least. I'm sure we all have our own list of what we are thankful for each day: being healthy, having the ability to put food on the table and a roof over our heads, and heck- even getting to see a new day and enjoy all that God has created for us. This is just the basic first few items on my list, but most of my list I choose to be inwardly thankful for. That is, not verbalizing to others that I thank the Lord for those things. Today, I've got a little nugget of April Thankfulness in my pocket.

This morning I was moved by such a small display of outward thankfulness. Bill, who blogs personally here and contributes here was praying with Leslie and I before we began practicing for Sunday morning worship for our Life Group at church. Towards the end of the prayer he said, "and thank you for the ministry we serve in." WOAH. Whiplash for me. Do we often take the time to thank God for even creating the ministries we serve Him through, or are we too busy serving in them? I didn't mention it to Bill yet, but I must say that his outward thankfulness brought a new perspective for me, starting today. Thank you, Bill, for this little nugget! (Does it count if I thank you indirectly through this post?) By the way, our motto has been "The Fellowship of the Believers" from Acts for the past few years. I think being outwardly thankful for the ministry as a whole is part of this.

And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved.

(Acts 2:42-47 ESV)

~LeeAnn

VICTORY!

In light of the most glorious holiday that we just celebrated!

On a hill Your blood was spilled

Your brow, Your hands, Your feet

with nails and thorns the veil was torn to make a way for me

You made a way for me

Jesus, Savior, my God, my King, my Lord

Jesus, Savior, the victory is Yours!

Wrapped and bound they laid You down - a perfect sacrifice

But in three days the stone was rolled away!

Forever You're alive!

Jesus, Savior, my God, my King, my Lord

Jesus, Savior, the victory is Yours!

Death has been beaten!

The grave has been conquered!

Jesus is risen!

Life ever after!

These are the lyrics to Phil Wickham's song "The Victory".

Captivated

Someone may have already posted this song at some point but I am so moved by this song and what I am reading in Scripture right now that I just had to post.

Captivated

Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder

Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze

Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendor

You're close and yet so full of mystery

Ever since the day that I saw Your face

Try as I may I cannot look away, I cannot look away

Captivated by You

I am captivated by You

May my life be one unbroken gaze

Fixed upon the beauty of Your face

Beholding is becoming so as You fill my gaze

I become more like You and my heart is changed

Beholding is becoming so as You fill my view

Transform me into the likeness of You

This is what I ask for all my days

That I may never look away, never look away

Captivated by You

Captivated by You

May my life be one unbroken gaze

Fixed upon Your beauty, fixed upon Your beauty...

No other could ever be as beautiful

No other could ever steal my heart away

No other could ever be as beautiful

I just can't look away...

This song coupled with reading through the first verses in the letter to the Hebrews just moves me to tears:

"Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets, but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power. After making purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high, having become as much superior to angels as the name he has inherited is more excellent than theirs."

Hebrews 1:1-4

I am also reading Jared Wilson's "Gospel Wakefulness" right now and if you have not yet read it, then I highly recommend that you do!

You Get What You Need

I have entered in to a season of being without. In my life I have found myself in many similar seasons - without a friend, without a date, without answers, without direction,etc - but being without a job can be a little terrifying at times. The endless number of question marks stemming from this one blank space can wreak serious havok on the mind, the spirit and the body. And thus was my life over the last two weeks - seeking and searching and applying and waiting... and waiting... and waiting... for answers that are not forthcoming. And in the middle of that waiting, I had become anxious. It is not natural for me to wait and see. So, in this "wait and see" season of my life, I have found my spirit growing restless within me. But what I have also found, is a desire to quiet that spirit with truth. And because I have knocked, the door has been answered. The Lord has been filling the spaces in my life with His truths.  As I dove in to my devotional this week, I was rewarded with an excerpt about contentment. The verse that accompanied the topic was 2 Corinthians 9:8 - "And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work."
And the truth of this verse begin to come to clarity for me and it rooted itself in my heart. God has the ability to bless us abundantly, but He chooses instead to give us only those things that we need to do His good work. So, if we don't have right now, it is because it is not needed. If we believe that God gives us what we need then we must be able to look at our lives, and the things we are without, and understand that they have not been given (or have been taken away) because they are not needed for what God is doing or is about to do in our lives.

The things that I really need will be more than taken care of by the Father who loves to lavish us with His riches:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
   “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? Matthew 6:25-31

Just as He takes care of the flowers and the birds, so will He also provide for us. He will give us exactly what we need. And sometimes not a fraction more. Sometimes all we get is our daily bread - enough for this moment. So that we may learn to trust Him in every moment. And we can begin to understand that what we have already, right now, is enough for God to do what He wants to do.

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that."

 1 Timothy 6:6-8

So, this season of being without is exactly where I am meant to be. I am not wasting it, or abusing it, I am accepting it and trying to find what God is doing in and through it. And there is a part of me that still wants to pray: "But, God, I need a job." And, infact, I do still pray for Him to provide one. But standing on these truths helps me to know that I will have one in His timing. I will be without until God requires that I am with. It eases anxiety considerably to know that I have all I need. And for the rest I am taking my cues from Paul:

 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

Peace Like a River

The above is a painted canvas embossed with wooden letters. I got the idea from Pinterest, my latest web obsession (aka websession). 

When we first started this blog, Leslie didn't take long to name the page "It is Well" (so that she could start sharing her thoughts!!) and told Sarah and I that we had free reign to change it if we wanted to. However, I thought it was perfect and so fitting, especially for the points the three of us were in at that time. We'd never really considered anything else! There used to be a time in my life where things were not so well with my soul. Even after many years of being a Christian had passed, while not necessarily always walking alongside my Sweet Savior, things were not well with my soul. But things changed, and not by my own efforts. The Holy Spirit awakened by soul by knocking really heavily on my hard head in October 2006 when I realized I had been trying to "do life" by my own strength for far too long. What a crazy thought! I flung that hard-headed door wide open as if welcoming a close family member to stay for a while. The metaphorical door stop I used was apparently one that did not have good grip on the floor, as the door s l o o o w l y drifted to a propped position through material successes, going through school, and figuring out what to do with the rest of my life. The Holy Spirit then came again and knocked more heavily a second time, literally bringing me to my knees, in December 2009. Prayer had not been a huge part of my life until this point. Neither had close close close community in the church. (It was just more like unity among church friends - missing the closeness and the community altogether!) I had just graduated from college and was about to start my new job I worked so hard for, so this was a sort of make-it-or-break-it point in my relationship with Christ. I am so glad our Lord never gives up on us! And I'm so glad that I answered the knock!! Things are so very well with my soul right now, and I wish the same for others. I would like to encourage you to also feel free to shout from the rooftops "It is Well With My Soul!!! And I don't care who knows it!!!" This is one of my FAVORITE HYMNS of all time. I could sing it all the day long, and just reading the words makes me feel so peaceful!

~LeeAnn

It Is Well With My Soul (click link to listen)

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life,
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.

But Lord, 'tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.

Horatio Spafford

"That Time of Year"

A lot of music plays in my head in a sort of whimsical medley ---CONSTANTLY. Of course, right now, I have Christmas carols and jingles and jollies rotating their way through my sing-song brain. "Jingle bells, falalalala farararara, winter wonderland, harking the herald, ye faithful coming...it's the most wonderful time of the year!" 

These past few weeks have been filled with folks trying to spread Christmas cheer by spending endless amounts of money to present their friends with gifts. Not just regular gifts of hugs, laughter, and time well-spent. Not just kindness, and loving, and cheerful giving. But more like a type of giving that has turned away from voluntary representations of love and appreciation and into mandatory searching for material items that are down to the nitty-gritty detailed specifications of the receiver.

What happened to the mystery of material Christmas gifts, anyway? Does anyone really not know what you'll be receiving this year? The gifts, they can't all be surprises, but can any of them? Back when Jesus was born, I'm sure Mary and Joseph didn't request the gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh they received. I can just see it now, "Where's their registry??" The origin of Christmas gift-giving is found in the Bible in Matthew 2, where the Wise Men offered these gifts to Baby Jesus (but probably when he was more like 18-24 months old, according to some Study Bibles). At your eyes' first passing, it seems they literally just dropped the gifts and ran to escape King Herod who was cray-cray, and they were warned against him in a dream... because they probably didn't really understand the true symbolism of their participation in the world's first baby shower! (Baby showers were previously held to shower the baby with gifts, not just the parents... but parents really do need all the help they can get from family and friends!)

You know what I'm giving my family this year? Trash bags. They're useful and meaningful in more ways than one. Sure, you don't have to buy any for a while for the kitchen or the yard clippings or to pack up all your Christmas decorations in or throw away the wrapping paper. They are also good reminders that we all probably have too much junk lying around that could either be thrown away in these bags, never to be seen again. Or maybe you realize they will be good for collecting up things you don't really need anymore, but a family down the street is struggling to obtain. I hope that this year, my gift of trash bags (and yes, I got some for myself!) helps me remember a few more things than the fact that the kitchen can needs to be emptied. However, giving material things to those in need means nothing without the truest meaningful gift of all.

What is a true and meaningful gift? The BEST gift we could ever give friends or family is to share with them the love of Christ, and our purpose in this world - to faithfully serve Him only and explicitly share the Good News that God sent His Son into this world to die for our sins, and that whoever believes in Him will have eternal life in Christ! How ironic is it that the BEST gift we have ever received is also the BEST gift we can give! Hallelujah!

~LeeAnn

Acres of Hope

Lately, I have found myself at the bottom of the spiritual well, finding myself without thirst and without water. I have looked to other comforts to bring me relief and restoration, things that do not require much of a sacrifice or adjustment. And in doing so, I have found myself wandering away from the living water. In a thousand ways, everyday, I have chosen self and set aside the sacrifice. I have made the decision to drink the sweet nectar of easy choices and shallow comforts in lieu of genuine peace. And these pursuits have left me dehydrated and drained. Try as I may to avoid dealing with the repercussions of chasing self, I have been steadily drawn to the truth. And this has come through the words of the book of Hosea. Hosea starts with a man, Hosea, whom God has called to marry a prostitute, Gomer. This man was told, beforehand, that his wife would be unfaithful and would have children that did not belong to him. And yet, this man chose the path of obedience and married Gomer anyway. Over time, the prophecy came true and Gomer was living the truth that his wife was devoting herself to other things, even as he stood by faithfully.

This story parallels the love story God had with Israel, and with us, His beloveds. It is the story of a God who watched as Israel turned it's back on Him, in their attempt to chase after other gods and sinful desires. I am reminded of my own wandering. I am reminded of my own unfaithfulness to the one who gave me faith. It can be disturbing to see yourself through the lens of truth. No one wants to think about the repercussions of selfish choices, they just want the immediate relief or benefits from those choices. We don't want to consider the cost of living for self. But the cost is a separation from Christ. The cost is very great. But there is still hope... Hosea 2: 14-20:

¹⁴"Therefore, behold, I will allure her,
   and bring her into the wilderness,
   and speak tenderly to her.
¹⁵And there I will give her her vineyards
   and make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
And there she shall answer as in the days of her youth,
   as at the time when she came out of the land of Egypt.

 ¹⁶"And in that day, declares the LORD, you will call me 'My Husband,' and no longer will you call me 'My Baal.' ¹⁷For I will remove the names of the Baals from her mouth, and they shall be remembered by name no more. ¹⁸And I will make for them a covenant on that day with the beasts of the field, the birds of the heavens, and the creeping things of the ground. And I will abolish the bow, the sword, and war from the land, and I will make you lie down in safety. ¹⁹And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. ²⁰ I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD."

This picture is  unnervingly beautiful and utterly romantic. This love is what you read about in fairy tales, only more profound and more full because it is real. It is a love that says, though you have forsaken me, yet I will still love you and call you mine. This passage speaks to the heart of a woman by it's promises to love unconditionally and to pursue whole heartedly.

In my life I have felt love, and I have been loved in return. However, I have not felt pursued. I have not felt that I was beloved. To hear these words from God, is the language of love. And it speaks right to my heart. It says that though I have been unfaithful to the Lord, He has not been unfaithful to me. He has loved me in my wilderness. And in that love He has led me to the valley. What brings me great comfort and peace is the idea that in this valley, He will speak tenderly to me. In fact, He will call me in to such places in order to do just that. These tender moments with Him are planned and they are meant to be intimate. He has come looking for us there, in order to lead us out and to restore us to who we are in Him. This is the hope we have: our Jesus loves us enough to give us back what we do not deserve, and that is more of Him. He makes these valleys a door to hope. He reminds us of the days when we first met Him and the promises He made to us in those days. He lets us return to those moments when we first fell in love with Him, to reassure us that He has never fallen out of love with us. Even in our wilderness. Even as we chose other things to love.

And when we choose Him, when we run in to the arms of His unfailing love, He lets us call Him "Husband". He allows us to enter in to the most intimate of unions with Him. And in doing so, He promises to provide safety. He seals Himself to us forever, so that we will always be covered in His love. For better or for worse. These last lines are so enormous that they bear repeating:

And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the LORD.

So, yes, I may be walking in unsafe places and I may be thirsting for things unclean. But the Lord has plans to allure me and to draw me back to Him. And by remembering His promises and His love for me, I am drawn back to Him, time and time again. He loves me enough to return to me and betroth Himself to me and to let me know Him. That is a truth to stand on and a love to cherish.


This is a link to a song based on these verses. Listen to it if you want and be reminded of it's truth. This is my prayer for you: that you would let God be your Husband. And that you would allow Him to make you His beloved. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3dBZu2yyRs

Thirst Quencher

So my spirit grows faint within me;
   my heart within me is dismayed.
I remember the days of long ago;
   I meditate on all your works
   and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
   I thirst for you like a parched land. (Psalm 143:4-6)

Have you been there? Have you been in a place where your spirit has grown faint and your heart has become dismayed? Of course you have. In fact, you've probably walked that desert many times in your life. As Christians, we are told that problems will come:

'“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”' (John 16:33)

And we are told that WHEN these troubles come, we are given a solution:

 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)

Seems like the simplest of equations, there is a problem and a ready made solution. The quick answer is Jesus, always. He absolutely gives us EVERYTHING that we need to endure, to strive, to sustain and to conquer. That is some pretty good news. It can be pretty liberating and inspirational news to those who are entering the battle for joy or peace or security. I don't know that there have ever been more inspirational words than these:

"What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

(Romans 8:31)

"With your help I can advance against a troop ; with my God I can scale a wall." (2 Samuel 22:30)

"I can do all this through him who gives me strength." (Philippians 4:13)

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." (2 Corinthians 4:7-9)

And yet, we find our hearts sad. We find our spirits crushed and our will burdened and weary. Part of running a race means you will get tired. It is work to live the Christian life. It is work to fight against the sinful nature within us. This does not come easily and it doesn't come when we are the most spiritually fit and rested. In fact, scriptures say this about the enemy:

"Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8)

Yikes. I certainly don't want to be easy prey. And yet, when I am not within the clutches of my Master, that is exactly what I am. You certainly will encounter moments when you are spiritually thirsty, or tired, or spent. It is what you do in these moments that matters. When Paul asked the Lord to remove the thorns of temptation and persecution from his side he received this answer:

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.'” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

The answer is that when we are sad, or broken or tired or thirsty or discouraged or whatever else makes us weak and vulnerable to sin and selfishness then we must tap in to the power of the Lord. And we do that by REMEMBERING who God has been throughout the beginning of time, CONSIDERING what His hands have done in our lives, SPREADING out our hands to Him in a gesture of invitation and reception and teaching our soul to LONG for Him and to THIRST for the things of Him. This is not an easy thing. It goes against our nature. So don't beat yourself up when you find that thought your spirit is willing, the flesh may be weak, many before you have felt the same feeling (Mark 14:38).  When all else fails, and you find yourself in despair and your spirit downcast, let these words be the prayer of your heart:

Teach me to do your will,
   for you are my God;
may your good Spirit
   lead me on level ground.
For your name’s sake, LORD, preserve my life;
   in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. (Psalm 143:10-11)

God certainly will respond to a heart that longs for His will and His glory.

Weeping and Waiting

In this season of my life, I am learning much about how to sustain joy through all circumstances. I will admit that I fail, and have failed, many times on this subject. It is not an easy thing to cling to, trust in and rely on the promises you can not see and the truths you can not feel. In my sinful and limited perspective, it is far easier to base my mood and attitude and faith on the things that are happening right now, right in front of me. But, while it is easier, it is not always beneficial because this view leads to temporary joy and wavering peace. In these times I am often reminded of John 11. This is the chapter that refers to the death of Lazarus verses (1-7).

"Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

 When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.” Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.” 

Lazarus was a friend of Jesus. His sisters had hosted Jesus in their home and had become very close to him. So it seems strange that upon hearing that his friend was sick that Jesus decided to stay where he was. In our limited view of God, we expect him to be merciful and to have a heart for his people and to long to meet their needs. And this is true, God does want to meet our needs. He very much longs to extend His mercy to a people He undoubtedly loves. Where we get it wrong is that we have a very narrow idea of what this need-meeting looks like. We want answers to prayers, and solutions to problems but we want them in a very specific timing and systematic way. When we say to Jesus that our brother is sick, we want Him to help us and we expect that healing is the way it shall be. However, Jesus moves when He intends to and His ways are never less than exactly what was needed. Jesus has a bigger plan and a bigger picture than we do. So, He waits when we think He should move. And even though we panic and whine, He knows exactly what He is doing.

verses 11-14

After he had said this, he went on to tell them, “Our friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; but I am going there to wake him up.” ...

His disciples replied, “Lord, if he sleeps, he will get better.” Jesus had been speaking of his death, but his disciples thought he meant natural sleep.

So then he told them plainly, “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake I am glad I was not there, so that you may believe. But let us go to him.”

Herein lies the key to what Jesus' plan so full proof and ours so lacking (other than the fact that He's Jesus). In all of His actions, the purpose is to bring glory to Himself and to have people believe. Our plans end in us getting what we want, and getting it how we want it. But God's plan ends in more of Him. So He waits because waiting brings more glory to Him. Waiting ensures that someone else will believe and understand and come to Him. Maybe that is you, or maybe it is the one who is watching you in your trials. Whatever the case may be, there is a reason that Jesus is waiting and that reason is always to lead to more of Him. That whole last verse has nothing to do with Jesus, and everything to do with us, the sinners who require sight to believe. He says, "for YOUR sake I am glad I was not there, so that YOU may believe". His plan revolves around what will help us see more clearly, what will help us understand more fully, and experience more wholly. His plan works all things out so that we see, understand and experience HIM to the fullest. He moves all the details in our life to achieve this end and yet we complain when the why's and how's don't meet the measure in our head.

verses 25-27

Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”

“Yes, Lord,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, who is to come into the world.”

Like Martha, when bad things hit close to home we want answers. We want to know why God didn't do what we know He is capable of. We want to know that this story will have a happy ending and that all the trouble will be worth it. But sometimes Jesus puts us in the midst of hard times so that He can ask us "do you believe?". Like Martha, He wants to know if we believe in more than what we see and feel. He wants to know that our hope is in the eternal life we have inside and not the external circumstances that threaten to steal our hope and peace. And when we can answer "Yes, Lord" then He can move in the way He wants to, knowing that we are on board, wherever that takes us.

verses 33-37
When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!” But some of them said, “Could not he who opened the eyes of the blind man have kept this man from dying?”

How are you reacting to the trials in your life? Are you like the Jews, saying "see how he loved him" even as he let him die? Or are you like those others, those few, who looked and said, "could not he... have kept this man from dying"? It is a matter of perspective. One chooses to look at the loss and the other chooses to look at the Lord. One says "Oh, how He loves us- even in this - enough to do this" and the other says "if He really loved us He would have saved us from all this". In the end, Jesus brought Lazarus, who was dead for 4 days, back to life. He made the impossible happen. And sometimes Jesus will make the impossible happen in our lives as well. He will save and heal and repair and move in the way we hoped He would. But He may also choose to break what seems to be fragile or wound what seems to be weak. Sometimes His wonders won't make sense because we can't see through the pain and heartache. Either way, we can be assured that everything is being worked out for the good of those who love Him. What we need to begin to wrap our minds around is that the "good" isn't more of this or less of that... it is just Jesus.

Head versus Heart

I start with words that always unravel the knots in my heart and spirit - Shane and Shane

"i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are
Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You"

Besides the fact that I absolutely love Shane and Shane, I chose this song because I feel like it perfectly encapsulates my being right now. I am waiting. I am stuck in this position waiting for something to happen, something to change my course. Here or there, I don't care really. I just want to go and move again. But I find myself waiting and I am not really sure what I am waiting for or on. Things have been moving pretty fast lately and my emotions and mind have had trouble getting on the same foot. In fact, most times I find myself lamely limping along - relying too heavily on one foot or the other and not finding that rhythm that leads to balance. I am in what feels like the aftermath of a storm. I am staring at the ruins and wreckage and wondering what to do next and where to begin to rebuild.

These are pretty heavy words that speak from a somewhat heavy heart. There have been losses recently that have wounded my heart. And in the way of those familiar with wounds, I have learned how to take the bullet and keep moving forward. However, even those defenses wear down now and then and you are left with the basics... you, your situation and what you make of it.

My situation is exactly this: I am waiting for God to move me from between the rock and the hard place that I feel He has me in. There is something to be learned here and something to take away from this place. My resentment of this place has led me to this "closet". I have fought this path and resisted the implications of it so much that I have chosen not to hear, not to sing, not to pray. And, instead, I have mourned silently for the things that I wanted but did not get. In this way I have been selfish. And I have been stubborn. And I have not healed. Or moved forward.

But now, my mind has decided to fix my "eyes on Jesus, the Author and perfecter of my faith"(Hebrews 12:2). I have decided that these things that I want may be permissible, but they are not necessarily beneficial (1 Corinthians 10:23). I have decided that it is time to close doors and find new beginnings. I have decided to let go and heal. And while these head decisions, this changing of my mind, are the right step, there is still the matter of the heart. Because the heart is not nearly so quick to give in and relent - at least not for me. They say the heart wants what it wants and a heart decided is hard to convince otherwise. I suppose this is a great thing when viewed through the lens of commitment and conviction. But not so great in the area of wants and desires - in this case it can lead to heartbreak and gnashing of teeth.

But this I believe, that if I change my mind then God will change my heart in time. That if I choose to seek Him and walk in His path, my heart will begin to follow suit. I will begin to want new things and pursue different paths and forget about the indecisions and inconclusions of the past. This end result is what motivates me to move forward. And I hold these tools in my knapsack to help me along my way:

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. " Philippians 4:7

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
   in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.^{" Proverbs 3:5-6}

"Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
but he will heal us;
he has injured us
but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
on the third day he will restore us,
that we may live in his presence. " Hosea 6:1-2

So here is to changing of minds that leads, eventually to a changing of hearts. I choose to sit in this waiting room, as silent and dark and small as it may feel. Because this time is from the Lord, as unlikely as it may seem. It is all about Him. Every single second. Every situation. Every thought. Every feeling. Every painful moment. Every dream fulfilled. The promise of more Him is worth waiting for.

Promise Keeper

Abraham was told a son would be his. And this son would be the father of many nations. Many years went by and Abraham was without child. It was a situation that seemed to have no logical answer. And yet, the Bible clearly says:

"Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, “So shall your offspring be.” Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead—since he was about a hundred years old—and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. This is why “it was credited to him as righteousness.”
Romans 4:18-22

There is so much meat in that passage and so many things that catch my eye and convict my spirit. But the things that really stand out to me are the words HOPE and FULLY PERSUADED. Abraham had many reasons to doubt the promise that God had made him. Logically, such a miraculous thing did not make sense. He was old, his wife was barren and time was running out. Still, against all hope Abraham believed in hope and the promise was fulfilled. Abraham chose to believe not what seemed logical and what his situation reflected as "real". Instead, he chose to put his hope in the one who made the promise knowing that He would make a way through the logical. Abraham put his faith in the facts of what he knew about God and His history of keeping promises. And it says he DID NOT WAIVER THROUGH UNBELIEF.

These words floor me. Because so often I myself have the opposite problem. I hear God, I trust God and then something goes slightly wrong and I begin to doubt my motives and God's plan and I am filled with absolute unbelief. This week I have been filled with this overwhelming fact that I am trying to control my future and perfect my present. And this is a truth that makes me very sad. The reason being is that I do not trust myself to be of pure motive and blind faith. I fail, time and time again. I fall in to the same traps and go for the same ridiculous bait. I am one person, who is completely weak when it comes to the flesh and the mind and the things of the heart. I believe the lies far too easily, because I do not trust that God will do what He has promised. I panic and I turn and run and drive myself crazy with doubt, worry and fear. It is crippling for my faith.

I think Abraham had it right. He was strengthened by his faith. And this was because his faith was never in his self or his abilities. Those things were out of the question. They were outside the realm of possiblity. He knew it was either going to be a God thing or it was not going to happen. So he decided to trust that God knew best and he believed, without hesitation, that God's power to provide was greater than logic. He trusted that the impossible was made possible through the promise of the One who controls all things. This God still exists, and He still defies logic. Everyday. And His promises apply to me. This day. I am weak and full of unbelief. But my prayer is that I would be broken of the chains that hold me to myself and my will and find freedom in the promises of Christ. There is sweet victory over sin and death that are mine to grab and cling to. The work has already been done for those who believe. If that is you, if you are a believer in Christ, then the promises of God are yours as well. Claim them. Trust them. Hide them in your heart. And pray for the strength to believe them, when all hope fails. This is where I am at. Hoping, against all hope, that Christ will free me of myself and bind my wandering heart to Him.

Crushing the American Dream

I'll start with a little back story on a book I read during Summer 2010. By the way, it was a GREAT summer. It was 'Radical' by David Platt, and I can honestly say that I never thought a book besides the Bible could have an effect on me. "Wrong again, LeeAnn!" Anyway, I have thought a lot about this book ever since. I have especially been trying to wrap my thoughts around what the American Dream is, if I have one, and what I really should be dreaming of. These are my conclusions in a nutshell.

I feel bad for people who say they have spent their whole lives chasing the American Dream. I mean, yeah, dying as an American is the best worldly death you can die, but the best LIFE YOU CAN LIVE is as a Christian serving the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul! And- JUST THINK- to die as a Christian far more exceeds even that! Paul said it pretty concisely to the church at Philippi:

"For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21

You go, Paul- four for you, Paul. I can't say it was easy to come to the realization that I am living an American Dream right now, and I need to rid myself of many worldly things I am attached to. I didn't have to do much chasing for this dream to become a reality, but whoa, it is sure weighing heavy on my heart. I read most of the book while I was out of the United States, so it was pretty simple to separate myself from those things for a short bit, but coming back to it for the past 6 months definitely hasn't seemed to matter to me- I haven't made much of a conscious effort to delete anything. I have only made it more chaotic by trying to juggle things like TV, music, movies, praying and reading the Bible. Which one of those doesn't belong? Well, that would be the first 3 things. Do you know how hard it is to study God's Word while watching TV? Warning: do not try that at home! Time to take action! Time to get with the program! Time to crush those American Dreams! Below are the lyrics to a GREAT song about giving up your American Dreams that I heard when I visited David Platt's church in Birmingham with some friends. The youtube link embedded in the Title sends you to a random video with her song in the background, and a more upbeat fuller-band version is available on iTunes.

Do you have dreams to crush? Are there some things you need to let go of so you can serve Christ with all your heart, mind, and soul?

Random side note:  I accidentally left that book (and my journal) on an airplane in Singapore. Go figure. I do still hope that someone found both of those things and decided to read them, and that their life was change by it in some manner.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

Stranger by Mandi Mapes

just another day in a beautiful town
where money makes the world go round
caught in a place where no matter what I do
I feel let down
'cause I keep chasing all these funny things
that don't even matter
in the end

this world is not my home
I am a stranger in this country
Jesus in me won't You pour me out
I'm ready to abandon all my shiny things
my family, and this American dream, Lord
come take it all from me
until there's nothing left but You

Lord, open my eyes
that I may see the brevity of my life
may Your Word tear down my sinful heart
and fill me with new desires
by Your Spirit I will live for You
and love You with all my soul
so have Your way in me
and let Your kingdom come

Amazing Race

Earlier this week, my sister invited me to join her and some other people in running what is called the Warrior Dash. It is exactly as brutal as it sounds, although it was presented to me as "fun" and "challenging". Basically, you run a 3 mile race with intermittent obstacles thrown in along the way. These obstacles include running through tires, running through waist high water, climbing up a rope wall, sprinting up a hill, crawling through mud and jumping over fire. Intense. But imagine the feeling when you make it to the end of something like that? I get excited when I finish a 45 minute cardio workout. I cant imagine the sense of accomplishment you would feel when you push yourself to the limit and succeed.

You see, I have forgotten that the spiritual life is a lot like that Warrior Dash. It is fun, but it also is challenging. It is not a sprint, but a marathon. It requires one to keep going until the race is finished. There is no stopping. Stopping leads to standing still and in a life with Christ, standing still leads to being lazy and stagnant and lukewarm. And the Lord says being lukewarm is a very bad thing: "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." - Revelation 3:16.

I find myself going through periods where I love the race. I love the sweat and hard work that it takes to prepare for and enter in to the race. I like the challenge of making myself "ready" to tackle challenges. But what happens all too often is that I eventually lose focus and my drive to persevere takes a back seat to my desire to stop and get comfortable. And my mind convinces itself that I deserve this break and this rest. And sometimes rest and renewal is entirely necessary.  But they only work when they are within the arms of the Lord. All other rests are breaks in a communion with Him that lead us away from the path and in to our own land of self gratification and easy answers.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:12-14

I am learning that I need to keep running. I need to continue to move toward Christ and not stop. I need to realize that while I may have completed one obstacle, the race is not over. I have not finished yet. I must keep going and keep my mind and body and spirit ready for the Spiritual battle that is all around me. To not stay "fit" for the race is a huge error on my part. We must stay healthy and train ourselves for success.

Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. - 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Where are you in the race? Are you mid lap and loving it? Are you tired of running in what seems like endless circles? Are you in the midst of an obstacle that seems too daunting? Have you just completed an obstacle and feel like you need a rest? Or are you watching from the bleachers? Or standing at the starting line? Or simply standing still? Wherever you are, remember to keep moving and keep submitting yourself to the training process. Get in the race and get moving toward Christ. Let Him move your feet when they can't move anymore. Let Him be your Living water when you need a drink. Let Him renew your mind when you can't seem to remember the end goal or the prize. In other words, "deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).  

what is better

Lately, I have been feeling the weight of anxiety. And while I know that this is a weight I have put upon my own back, that thought alone has not made the burden any lighter. You see, like most women, I have a need to control and plan and coordinate my agendas and my life. I like things to be "just so". And this tactic sometimes works out for me. But sometimes, and I am finding this happening more often than not, all of my plan and prep work doesn't amount to anything more than tired feet and an aching back. The truth is that all of the energy and time I put in to creating the "perfect" scenario is a waste if that scenario isn't the one the Lord has envisioned for me. It is a little silly to think about how much of myself I pour in to getting the details right, when all of that pouring causes me to miss out on the only detail that truly matters. For all my piecing together and puzzling things out, I often find that the pieces of my life are not creating the big picture that I was striving for. To help illustrate my point, I want to draw from a well known passage:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” - Luke 10:38-42

I will give you one second to figure out which character I relate to in this story. I AM Martha. I totally relate to this woman. She is busy for the Lord. So busy, in fact, that she is missing the fact that He is right in front of her. Of course, there is nothing wrong with hard work. In fact, Proverbs 31 instructs the women of God not to eat the "bread of idleness" (vs. 27). Which indicates to me that the problem here is not how much Martha is working. The problem is that she was "distracted". She was so distracted with the preparations that she left no time to sit and enjoy the presence of her company. And her "company" was Jesus. The Lord was sitting in her house, asking for her to sit and fellowship with him, and all she could think about was the food, drink and table. There is a tendency to dismiss Martha as utterly silly and somewhat selfish. But, everyday we have the chance to sit and fellowship with our Lord and Creator. And everyday, we find ourselves so consumed with our thoughts and tasks that we miss the opportunity to sit and be with the one who made us.

I find vs 41 and 42 particularly convicting. Jesus tells Martha "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one." Right now I can think of a million things in my head that are not going the way I had hoped or planned or expected. And this typically causes me to worry and over think and analyze. On the whole, I become so busy deciding for myself what is best that anything less than that causes stress and anxiety. The problem is that I am using my definition of "best" and not the Lord's. Because He has clearly told us in verse 42 that "Mary has chosen what is better". "Better" involves sitting with the Lord and listening to what He has to say. Somehow I have the feeling that by pursuing what is "better" the stress, anxiety and worry of this life may be avoided or, at the very least, diminished. 

I write this for myself - and for anyone else who is wearing themselves out trying to accomplish everything on their list. Take time to find out what is better and make room in your house and your heart for sitting and listening to the Lord. Let the dishes sit a while, let the laundry wait. "Come near to God and He will come near to you" (James 4:8).  This is the one thing that is needed.

Beauty is Pain

I have some really great friends. I mean truly great. And not just great because they make me laugh and listen to my stories. But also great because they tell me the truth. Yesterday, I spoke with a close friend who confided that she was upset with me for not "sticking to my guns" on something that I had told her I wanted to do. Actually, it was bigger than that, it was something that I had felt called to do. I had wanted to argue and defend myself, but I didn't. Instead, I realized that she was right. Ouch. Not easy to hear. And even harder to admit it's true. But it is. I have done a poor job of holding fast to the things that the Spirit has called me to. I find that I let myself off of the hook all too easily because it is hard or uncomfortable or requires more than I am willing to give. So I dove in to the Bible, to get clear on what the Word says about self-control, vows and weakness and I was able to get a clearer view of what God desires when it comes to "sticking to my guns".

Everyone knows that verse about the spirit being willing, but the flesh being weak (Mark 14:38). This has become a memory verse for me because it explains so much of how I have been feeling lately. I have a desire in my spirit to do what is right and of God, and sometimes I start out strong, but my flesh is so VERY weak that I often fail (Romans 7:18-20). Because of our sin, we are all weak in one way or another. Weakness is a given, but thankfully we have Jesus who came to atone for our weaknesses and to show us how to persevere through them:

  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

The Bible is also clear that weakness is opportunity for Jesus to take control and provide strength in all storms.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I know that Christ has called me to a life that strives to glorify Him in everything. This is my desire, to honor Him with my mouth and my actions. Part of that involves taking the vows I make to Him and others seriously. By not following through with the things I say, I am not proving myself to be one whose words can be trusted.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. - Ecclesiastes 5:4

Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: “This is what the LORD commands: When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said. - Numbers 30:1-2

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ - Matthew 5:33

What this tells me is that we must take the vows that we make seriously and honor them. I find that I have good intentions and that those good intentions allow me to achieve a portion of the things I want to do. But intentions are not the same as devotion. When we devote ourselves to fulfilling the promises we make to the Lord then we set ourselves up for God to move. What I am learning, the hard way, is that not taking this process seriously keeps me from fully understanding what God has in store for me and receiving all the blessings and insights He may have planned.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. - Titus 2:7-8

I want integrity. I want to be set apart. But to do this, I have to remain faithful to the One within whom my faith lies. I understand that while I may have a past that doesnt reflect the desire of my heart to be a woman of my word, I will not beat myself up but will use this truth and revelation to learn and grow closer to God and the person He is calling me to be.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. - 2 Peter 1:5-8

I am so glad that my friend brought this up. God used that honesty to reveal an area of my life that was not glorifying Him. There is so much I need to learn still about sin and how it effects my relationship with Jesus. My attitude towards this and other sins is casual and enabling. I do not hate sin as the Lord hates it. I do not take separation from Him seriously enough. But there is a desire within me to right these wrongs and to grow closer to Him. I know I have been lacking in this area, and that God has worked with, and even in spite of, these things to bring about His glory.  I will always have weakness. There was only One who lived life without it. However, part of the beauty of becoming more like Christ is trading the old for the new. I urge you to see if you share this struggle in your own life. If you do, seek God's truth on the matter and lay it down. Let Him change your mind about sin and the way you represent yourself through your words and promises. If you let Him get control of your mind and your will, He will also change your heart in time. That is His promise and He always keeps His promises.

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age... -Titus 2:11-12

Born that We May Have Life

...AND HAVE IT MORE ABUNDANTLY.

It's pretty much standard in today's society that parents want the best for their kids. Oops, that was wrong. They want better-than-they-had-it-best for their kids. That's really nice of them, huh? I think you'll agree that it's bittersweet when parents utter those kind words of a hopeful better world for their children.

Well, do you know what's even nicer? Jesus wanted the same for us, only instead of material and worldly things, he came so that we could have LIFE and have it more abundantly. Jesus, the baby, was given by God, the Father, to be born...so that he could one day be the substitute for our sins. That is quite a hefty sacrifice, if you ask me!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10 

We as humans cannot even begin to imagine how abundant life really is. Our definitions do not even comprise the idea that Christ had in store when he sent his Son to die on the cross for us. I really did not start pondering on a deeper meaning of the word abundantly until recently. This verse comes in the middle of Jesus' "I am the Good Shepherd" statement. In a literal sense, He laid down as a good shepherd across a walkway, so that His sheep could have a more abundant life. Wow! That's great!

Now, my take (let's remember, it's not all-comprehensive to the ideas that God has in my for my life) on this abundant life is one that involves being joyful in everything, rich in His blessings, a giver and a friend- not only to those in need- but to His people, filled with meaningful actions purposely done to glorify His name!

What is your definition of this more abundant life? Since he has made such a great sacrifice for us, how are you making sure to live your life more abundantly each day?

Beauty for Ashes

I delight myself in the richest of fare

trading all that I have, for all that is better

a garment of praise, for my heaviness

take this heart of stone

and make it yours

- "Beauty for Ashes" by Shane and Shane

A few days ago, I wrote a blog about healing and Jesus as the healer. At the time, I was resting in that truth and finding great peace in that promise. But, just a few hours later, the enemy had already crept in to "steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10) all of the good things that Jesus had been giving me. And I let him do it. My spirit is willing to trust and obey, but my flesh is so weak against the temptations of this world (Matthew 26:41). And don't think that the enemy doesn't know that. He knows that our weakness will lead us away from truth and in to lands that are not of God. For me, I find that my heart is growing hard against the Lord (and the work that He is doing in my heart) because it is uncomfortable and unasked for. I want to encourage all of you away from this practice. This is not a right response. I am speaking these words of truth for myself as well. So that I can continue to fight against my flesh in search of the spirit.

Blessed is the one who always trembles before God,
   but whoever hardens their heart falls into trouble. - Proverbs 28:14

A hard heart is in no way a good thing. It keeps us from fully understanding the will of God and receiving His spirit of peace. When we close out the spirit of God, and trust our own devices, it makes God angry (Zechariah 7:12) and it keeps us from the healing that is ours to have and that the Lord longs to give.

For this people’s heart has become calloused;
   they hardly hear with their ears,
   and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
   hear with their ears,
   understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them. - Acts 28:27

Certainly it is hard to let the Lord in and break down those walls if we fight it every step of the way. However, if we would just surrender to the will of God then He would have the freedom and reign to truly move and act, for the good of those who love Him. He moves for My good and for HIS good purposes. If you look at that equation, God is doing all the work and I am receiving His best. It doesn't get much easier than that. So why do I fight it? Why do I insist on fighting tooth and nail for my way, a way that is obviously less than the best? It seems silly to exhaust myself on hardening my heart.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. - Psalm 51:12

God knows my heart here, and if you are wrestling through things then He knows yours too. He understands that our flesh is weak. But He also knows that are spirits are willing. And when our spirits are willing then amazing things can be done. His strength can overcome our weakness. More than that, He can even use or weakness for His purposes. The Bible says, in Ecclesiastes 3, that there is a time and season for everything under the sun.

   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend... (vs. 3-7)

Feel your despair and your loss. It is there for a reason. It is meant to teach you something. And chances are you are meant to learn IN it just as much as you are THROUGH it. So do not deny yourself the blessings of being exactly where God wants you. But, also, move on when it's time to move on. Do not sit in that place of despair until your flesh weakens and your heart hardens. Let God move you from that place in to acres of hope (Hosea 2:14-16).

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners...
  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair. - Isaiah 61:1-3 

This is my plea, dear friends, for you and for myself.  That we would accept whatever comes. Be it sorrow or joy and allow ourselves to find what God wants for us in that. My prayer for you is that you would be mindful of the condition of you heart and that you would watch carefully and not grow weary. Hard times will come. That is a certainty. But so will good times. The same God allows for both. And He has a reason for us being there. Let your hearts be moldable to God's will. Choose to turn the hardened heart in to a willing spirit.   

Healer

A while ago, a dear friend of mine asked me to do a homework assignment that I never "turned in". Even though I never completed the assignment, the memory of that question has remained with me. The question asked was what Bible verses point to the characteristics of God that mean the most to me? (Or something to that effect. If you are reading this, friend, know that I am paraphrasing you)

One of my favorite images of God, is that of healer. This is a particularly precious aspect of God, for me, because I have walked through my share of fires and felt stings that I did not think I could bear. And yet, I made it to the other side - whole and with great joy. Not because I was resilient or strong, but because Jesus healed me. And He continues to heal me. This is made possible, because He intercedes on my behalf on a daily basis and goes where I can not go and does what I can not do.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed."

- Isaiah 53:5

What I am learning, through very difficult means, is that God delights in showing us His ways. Sometimes, to reach that goal, He has to let us walk through whatever pitfall will take us to His feet. In these times, He is near, and He hears, but He may not move when and how we would like.

"We hoped for peace
   but no good has come,
for a time of healing
   but there is only terror."

- Jeremiah 8:15

In these moments, it seems that God has forsaken us. And in my life, this has led to anger and frustration. If God loves me, then why am I not healing? And the answer is that God's ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). Which, loosely translated, means "because God said so". It stinks at the time. We want to heal, and move forward and learn from our mistakes - not sit in them. But just as the shepherd sometimes breaks the leg of the wandering sheep, Jesus also breaks us on occasion.

For he wounds, but he also binds up;
   he injures, but his hands also heal.

- Job 5:18

That is the flip side of the coin. The shepherd breaks the lamb's leg so that he can keep an eye on him. In essence, he hurts him to help him. Jesus is good to us in this way. He knows when we need His help (even when we don't see it) and He is not against breaking a few bones to help us get to where we need to be. Although He wounds, He also heals.

Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed;
   save me and I will be saved,
   for you are the one I praise.

- Jeremiah 17:14

I believe that God loves to take the damaged and let them dance. However, healing requires effort on our part. He will heal us. But we must first believe that He is the healer. We must reach for the Lord's garment if we expect to be healed by its touch. He wants to heal us, but we have to first acknowledge that He can.

“Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
   but he will heal us;
he has injured us
   but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
   on the third day he will restore us,
   that we may live in his presence. "

- Hosea 6:1-2

These words of Hosea are precious to me. They sum this up so beautifully. The Lord sometimes tears us to pieces, BUT He WILL heal is. He will REVIVE and RESTORE us to a better condition than we started in. In order for this to happen we must RETURN to Him. We have to go back to the one who has called us and let Him do His thing. And when He heals, we must LIVE IN HIS PRESENCE. That is why He heals us. To bring us closer to Him. The injured lamb gets carried by the shepherd. He rides on His shoulders until he can walk on his own again. Painful? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. But think of all the time that little lamb gets to spend with the one who loves him enough to hurt him. Live in that presence. To do so is a gift bought by the suffering of one who paid a much greater price. By His wounds, we are HEALED. Amen.



You are my Joy

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. -Philippians 4:4

You know what has been on my mind lately? Joy. I have been thinking recently about the joy in my life and sometimes the lack thereof and the situations in which it is present and the situations in which it is not.

Recently I was in a situation that brings me great joy to think about but it also brings sadness. The joy comes from the situation itself and the sadness from my reaction and the way I handled the situation at the time. Now out of all of this I have begun to think about why it is that I acted that way and how I could let my joy be stolen from me. Do you know what conclusion I came to? Do you know who the culprit was? Me and my sin. My sin stole my joy. My selfishness did not allow me to look beyond my own expectations and feelings long enough to take joy in the situation presented to me. Not only did it not allow me to take joy in that situation but my actions also stole the joy from someone very close to me who was also involved.

I know that I am probably rambling and anyone who reads this is wondering what point I am trying to make. Let me enlighten you: SIN STEALS YOUR JOY. You become so wrapped up in your own wants, desires, expectations, and self that you cannot see the wonderful gift that your Father is presenting you. You cannot see Him or hear from Him when you are too busy listening to your own voice telling you that life isn't fair and this isn't the way you wanted this to go. The world tells you that you deserve the best and that anyone who says different doesn't love you or care about you and you should leave them behind. But God's Word tells us that we deserve death (Romans 6:23; Romans 3:23). God's Word tells us that it is by GRACE ALONE that we are able to come into the Father's presence at all (Romans 9:16; Ephesians 2:8-9). This thought alone should be cause for great joy in our lives!

It is an unfortunate thing for the Christian to be melancholy. If there is any man in the world that has a right to have a bright, clear face and a flashing eye, it is the man whose sins are forgiven him, who is saved with God's salvation.

-Charles Spurgeon

Brothers and sisters, I plead with you not to let the sin in your life steal your joy. You may be in a situation similar to mine where you don't recognize your own selfishness or the effects of your sin on others around you. Search your heart. Ask the Lord to bring this sin to light so that you may repent! Ask the Lord to return to you the "joy of your salvation" (Psalm 51:12).

Sorrow for sin should be the keenest sorrow; joy in the Lord should be the loftiest joy. -Charles Spurgeon

I must confess that I did not come to these conclusions on my own. I had help from a very good and sweet friend that spoke Truth to me and made me see my sin and what I had allowed it to do.