Crushing the American Dream

I'll start with a little back story on a book I read during Summer 2010. By the way, it was a GREAT summer. It was 'Radical' by David Platt, and I can honestly say that I never thought a book besides the Bible could have an effect on me. "Wrong again, LeeAnn!" Anyway, I have thought a lot about this book ever since. I have especially been trying to wrap my thoughts around what the American Dream is, if I have one, and what I really should be dreaming of. These are my conclusions in a nutshell.

I feel bad for people who say they have spent their whole lives chasing the American Dream. I mean, yeah, dying as an American is the best worldly death you can die, but the best LIFE YOU CAN LIVE is as a Christian serving the Lord with all your heart, mind, and soul! And- JUST THINK- to die as a Christian far more exceeds even that! Paul said it pretty concisely to the church at Philippi:

"For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." -Philippians 1:21

You go, Paul- four for you, Paul. I can't say it was easy to come to the realization that I am living an American Dream right now, and I need to rid myself of many worldly things I am attached to. I didn't have to do much chasing for this dream to become a reality, but whoa, it is sure weighing heavy on my heart. I read most of the book while I was out of the United States, so it was pretty simple to separate myself from those things for a short bit, but coming back to it for the past 6 months definitely hasn't seemed to matter to me- I haven't made much of a conscious effort to delete anything. I have only made it more chaotic by trying to juggle things like TV, music, movies, praying and reading the Bible. Which one of those doesn't belong? Well, that would be the first 3 things. Do you know how hard it is to study God's Word while watching TV? Warning: do not try that at home! Time to take action! Time to get with the program! Time to crush those American Dreams! Below are the lyrics to a GREAT song about giving up your American Dreams that I heard when I visited David Platt's church in Birmingham with some friends. The youtube link embedded in the Title sends you to a random video with her song in the background, and a more upbeat fuller-band version is available on iTunes.

Do you have dreams to crush? Are there some things you need to let go of so you can serve Christ with all your heart, mind, and soul?

Random side note:  I accidentally left that book (and my journal) on an airplane in Singapore. Go figure. I do still hope that someone found both of those things and decided to read them, and that their life was change by it in some manner.
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Stranger by Mandi Mapes

just another day in a beautiful town
where money makes the world go round
caught in a place where no matter what I do
I feel let down
'cause I keep chasing all these funny things
that don't even matter
in the end

this world is not my home
I am a stranger in this country
Jesus in me won't You pour me out
I'm ready to abandon all my shiny things
my family, and this American dream, Lord
come take it all from me
until there's nothing left but You

Lord, open my eyes
that I may see the brevity of my life
may Your Word tear down my sinful heart
and fill me with new desires
by Your Spirit I will live for You
and love You with all my soul
so have Your way in me
and let Your kingdom come

Amazing Race

Earlier this week, my sister invited me to join her and some other people in running what is called the Warrior Dash. It is exactly as brutal as it sounds, although it was presented to me as "fun" and "challenging". Basically, you run a 3 mile race with intermittent obstacles thrown in along the way. These obstacles include running through tires, running through waist high water, climbing up a rope wall, sprinting up a hill, crawling through mud and jumping over fire. Intense. But imagine the feeling when you make it to the end of something like that? I get excited when I finish a 45 minute cardio workout. I cant imagine the sense of accomplishment you would feel when you push yourself to the limit and succeed.

You see, I have forgotten that the spiritual life is a lot like that Warrior Dash. It is fun, but it also is challenging. It is not a sprint, but a marathon. It requires one to keep going until the race is finished. There is no stopping. Stopping leads to standing still and in a life with Christ, standing still leads to being lazy and stagnant and lukewarm. And the Lord says being lukewarm is a very bad thing: "So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth." - Revelation 3:16.

I find myself going through periods where I love the race. I love the sweat and hard work that it takes to prepare for and enter in to the race. I like the challenge of making myself "ready" to tackle challenges. But what happens all too often is that I eventually lose focus and my drive to persevere takes a back seat to my desire to stop and get comfortable. And my mind convinces itself that I deserve this break and this rest. And sometimes rest and renewal is entirely necessary.  But they only work when they are within the arms of the Lord. All other rests are breaks in a communion with Him that lead us away from the path and in to our own land of self gratification and easy answers.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:12-14

I am learning that I need to keep running. I need to continue to move toward Christ and not stop. I need to realize that while I may have completed one obstacle, the race is not over. I have not finished yet. I must keep going and keep my mind and body and spirit ready for the Spiritual battle that is all around me. To not stay "fit" for the race is a huge error on my part. We must stay healthy and train ourselves for success.

Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize. - 1 Corinthians 9:24-27

Where are you in the race? Are you mid lap and loving it? Are you tired of running in what seems like endless circles? Are you in the midst of an obstacle that seems too daunting? Have you just completed an obstacle and feel like you need a rest? Or are you watching from the bleachers? Or standing at the starting line? Or simply standing still? Wherever you are, remember to keep moving and keep submitting yourself to the training process. Get in the race and get moving toward Christ. Let Him move your feet when they can't move anymore. Let Him be your Living water when you need a drink. Let Him renew your mind when you can't seem to remember the end goal or the prize. In other words, "deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me" (Luke 9:23).  

what is better

Lately, I have been feeling the weight of anxiety. And while I know that this is a weight I have put upon my own back, that thought alone has not made the burden any lighter. You see, like most women, I have a need to control and plan and coordinate my agendas and my life. I like things to be "just so". And this tactic sometimes works out for me. But sometimes, and I am finding this happening more often than not, all of my plan and prep work doesn't amount to anything more than tired feet and an aching back. The truth is that all of the energy and time I put in to creating the "perfect" scenario is a waste if that scenario isn't the one the Lord has envisioned for me. It is a little silly to think about how much of myself I pour in to getting the details right, when all of that pouring causes me to miss out on the only detail that truly matters. For all my piecing together and puzzling things out, I often find that the pieces of my life are not creating the big picture that I was striving for. To help illustrate my point, I want to draw from a well known passage:

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one.Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” - Luke 10:38-42

I will give you one second to figure out which character I relate to in this story. I AM Martha. I totally relate to this woman. She is busy for the Lord. So busy, in fact, that she is missing the fact that He is right in front of her. Of course, there is nothing wrong with hard work. In fact, Proverbs 31 instructs the women of God not to eat the "bread of idleness" (vs. 27). Which indicates to me that the problem here is not how much Martha is working. The problem is that she was "distracted". She was so distracted with the preparations that she left no time to sit and enjoy the presence of her company. And her "company" was Jesus. The Lord was sitting in her house, asking for her to sit and fellowship with him, and all she could think about was the food, drink and table. There is a tendency to dismiss Martha as utterly silly and somewhat selfish. But, everyday we have the chance to sit and fellowship with our Lord and Creator. And everyday, we find ourselves so consumed with our thoughts and tasks that we miss the opportunity to sit and be with the one who made us.

I find vs 41 and 42 particularly convicting. Jesus tells Martha "you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed - or indeed only one." Right now I can think of a million things in my head that are not going the way I had hoped or planned or expected. And this typically causes me to worry and over think and analyze. On the whole, I become so busy deciding for myself what is best that anything less than that causes stress and anxiety. The problem is that I am using my definition of "best" and not the Lord's. Because He has clearly told us in verse 42 that "Mary has chosen what is better". "Better" involves sitting with the Lord and listening to what He has to say. Somehow I have the feeling that by pursuing what is "better" the stress, anxiety and worry of this life may be avoided or, at the very least, diminished. 

I write this for myself - and for anyone else who is wearing themselves out trying to accomplish everything on their list. Take time to find out what is better and make room in your house and your heart for sitting and listening to the Lord. Let the dishes sit a while, let the laundry wait. "Come near to God and He will come near to you" (James 4:8).  This is the one thing that is needed.

Beauty is Pain

I have some really great friends. I mean truly great. And not just great because they make me laugh and listen to my stories. But also great because they tell me the truth. Yesterday, I spoke with a close friend who confided that she was upset with me for not "sticking to my guns" on something that I had told her I wanted to do. Actually, it was bigger than that, it was something that I had felt called to do. I had wanted to argue and defend myself, but I didn't. Instead, I realized that she was right. Ouch. Not easy to hear. And even harder to admit it's true. But it is. I have done a poor job of holding fast to the things that the Spirit has called me to. I find that I let myself off of the hook all too easily because it is hard or uncomfortable or requires more than I am willing to give. So I dove in to the Bible, to get clear on what the Word says about self-control, vows and weakness and I was able to get a clearer view of what God desires when it comes to "sticking to my guns".

Everyone knows that verse about the spirit being willing, but the flesh being weak (Mark 14:38). This has become a memory verse for me because it explains so much of how I have been feeling lately. I have a desire in my spirit to do what is right and of God, and sometimes I start out strong, but my flesh is so VERY weak that I often fail (Romans 7:18-20). Because of our sin, we are all weak in one way or another. Weakness is a given, but thankfully we have Jesus who came to atone for our weaknesses and to show us how to persevere through them:

  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

The Bible is also clear that weakness is opportunity for Jesus to take control and provide strength in all storms.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I know that Christ has called me to a life that strives to glorify Him in everything. This is my desire, to honor Him with my mouth and my actions. Part of that involves taking the vows I make to Him and others seriously. By not following through with the things I say, I am not proving myself to be one whose words can be trusted.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. - Ecclesiastes 5:4

Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: “This is what the LORD commands: When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said. - Numbers 30:1-2

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ - Matthew 5:33

What this tells me is that we must take the vows that we make seriously and honor them. I find that I have good intentions and that those good intentions allow me to achieve a portion of the things I want to do. But intentions are not the same as devotion. When we devote ourselves to fulfilling the promises we make to the Lord then we set ourselves up for God to move. What I am learning, the hard way, is that not taking this process seriously keeps me from fully understanding what God has in store for me and receiving all the blessings and insights He may have planned.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. - Titus 2:7-8

I want integrity. I want to be set apart. But to do this, I have to remain faithful to the One within whom my faith lies. I understand that while I may have a past that doesnt reflect the desire of my heart to be a woman of my word, I will not beat myself up but will use this truth and revelation to learn and grow closer to God and the person He is calling me to be.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. - 2 Peter 1:5-8

I am so glad that my friend brought this up. God used that honesty to reveal an area of my life that was not glorifying Him. There is so much I need to learn still about sin and how it effects my relationship with Jesus. My attitude towards this and other sins is casual and enabling. I do not hate sin as the Lord hates it. I do not take separation from Him seriously enough. But there is a desire within me to right these wrongs and to grow closer to Him. I know I have been lacking in this area, and that God has worked with, and even in spite of, these things to bring about His glory.  I will always have weakness. There was only One who lived life without it. However, part of the beauty of becoming more like Christ is trading the old for the new. I urge you to see if you share this struggle in your own life. If you do, seek God's truth on the matter and lay it down. Let Him change your mind about sin and the way you represent yourself through your words and promises. If you let Him get control of your mind and your will, He will also change your heart in time. That is His promise and He always keeps His promises.

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age... -Titus 2:11-12

Born that We May Have Life

...AND HAVE IT MORE ABUNDANTLY.

It's pretty much standard in today's society that parents want the best for their kids. Oops, that was wrong. They want better-than-they-had-it-best for their kids. That's really nice of them, huh? I think you'll agree that it's bittersweet when parents utter those kind words of a hopeful better world for their children.

Well, do you know what's even nicer? Jesus wanted the same for us, only instead of material and worldly things, he came so that we could have LIFE and have it more abundantly. Jesus, the baby, was given by God, the Father, to be born...so that he could one day be the substitute for our sins. That is quite a hefty sacrifice, if you ask me!

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." -John 10:10 

We as humans cannot even begin to imagine how abundant life really is. Our definitions do not even comprise the idea that Christ had in store when he sent his Son to die on the cross for us. I really did not start pondering on a deeper meaning of the word abundantly until recently. This verse comes in the middle of Jesus' "I am the Good Shepherd" statement. In a literal sense, He laid down as a good shepherd across a walkway, so that His sheep could have a more abundant life. Wow! That's great!

Now, my take (let's remember, it's not all-comprehensive to the ideas that God has in my for my life) on this abundant life is one that involves being joyful in everything, rich in His blessings, a giver and a friend- not only to those in need- but to His people, filled with meaningful actions purposely done to glorify His name!

What is your definition of this more abundant life? Since he has made such a great sacrifice for us, how are you making sure to live your life more abundantly each day?

Beauty for Ashes

I delight myself in the richest of fare

trading all that I have, for all that is better

a garment of praise, for my heaviness

take this heart of stone

and make it yours

- "Beauty for Ashes" by Shane and Shane

A few days ago, I wrote a blog about healing and Jesus as the healer. At the time, I was resting in that truth and finding great peace in that promise. But, just a few hours later, the enemy had already crept in to "steal and kill and destroy" (John 10:10) all of the good things that Jesus had been giving me. And I let him do it. My spirit is willing to trust and obey, but my flesh is so weak against the temptations of this world (Matthew 26:41). And don't think that the enemy doesn't know that. He knows that our weakness will lead us away from truth and in to lands that are not of God. For me, I find that my heart is growing hard against the Lord (and the work that He is doing in my heart) because it is uncomfortable and unasked for. I want to encourage all of you away from this practice. This is not a right response. I am speaking these words of truth for myself as well. So that I can continue to fight against my flesh in search of the spirit.

Blessed is the one who always trembles before God,
   but whoever hardens their heart falls into trouble. - Proverbs 28:14

A hard heart is in no way a good thing. It keeps us from fully understanding the will of God and receiving His spirit of peace. When we close out the spirit of God, and trust our own devices, it makes God angry (Zechariah 7:12) and it keeps us from the healing that is ours to have and that the Lord longs to give.

For this people’s heart has become calloused;
   they hardly hear with their ears,
   and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
   hear with their ears,
   understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them. - Acts 28:27

Certainly it is hard to let the Lord in and break down those walls if we fight it every step of the way. However, if we would just surrender to the will of God then He would have the freedom and reign to truly move and act, for the good of those who love Him. He moves for My good and for HIS good purposes. If you look at that equation, God is doing all the work and I am receiving His best. It doesn't get much easier than that. So why do I fight it? Why do I insist on fighting tooth and nail for my way, a way that is obviously less than the best? It seems silly to exhaust myself on hardening my heart.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
   and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. - Psalm 51:12

God knows my heart here, and if you are wrestling through things then He knows yours too. He understands that our flesh is weak. But He also knows that are spirits are willing. And when our spirits are willing then amazing things can be done. His strength can overcome our weakness. More than that, He can even use or weakness for His purposes. The Bible says, in Ecclesiastes 3, that there is a time and season for everything under the sun.

   a time to tear down and a time to build,
 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
   a time to mourn and a time to dance,
 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
 a time to search and a time to give up,
   a time to keep and a time to throw away,
 a time to tear and a time to mend... (vs. 3-7)

Feel your despair and your loss. It is there for a reason. It is meant to teach you something. And chances are you are meant to learn IN it just as much as you are THROUGH it. So do not deny yourself the blessings of being exactly where God wants you. But, also, move on when it's time to move on. Do not sit in that place of despair until your flesh weakens and your heart hardens. Let God move you from that place in to acres of hope (Hosea 2:14-16).

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
   to proclaim freedom for the captives
   and release from darkness for the prisoners...
  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
   instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
   instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
   instead of a spirit of despair. - Isaiah 61:1-3 

This is my plea, dear friends, for you and for myself.  That we would accept whatever comes. Be it sorrow or joy and allow ourselves to find what God wants for us in that. My prayer for you is that you would be mindful of the condition of you heart and that you would watch carefully and not grow weary. Hard times will come. That is a certainty. But so will good times. The same God allows for both. And He has a reason for us being there. Let your hearts be moldable to God's will. Choose to turn the hardened heart in to a willing spirit.   

Healer

A while ago, a dear friend of mine asked me to do a homework assignment that I never "turned in". Even though I never completed the assignment, the memory of that question has remained with me. The question asked was what Bible verses point to the characteristics of God that mean the most to me? (Or something to that effect. If you are reading this, friend, know that I am paraphrasing you)

One of my favorite images of God, is that of healer. This is a particularly precious aspect of God, for me, because I have walked through my share of fires and felt stings that I did not think I could bear. And yet, I made it to the other side - whole and with great joy. Not because I was resilient or strong, but because Jesus healed me. And He continues to heal me. This is made possible, because He intercedes on my behalf on a daily basis and goes where I can not go and does what I can not do.

"But he was pierced for our transgressions,
   he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was on him,
   and by his wounds we are healed."

- Isaiah 53:5

What I am learning, through very difficult means, is that God delights in showing us His ways. Sometimes, to reach that goal, He has to let us walk through whatever pitfall will take us to His feet. In these times, He is near, and He hears, but He may not move when and how we would like.

"We hoped for peace
   but no good has come,
for a time of healing
   but there is only terror."

- Jeremiah 8:15

In these moments, it seems that God has forsaken us. And in my life, this has led to anger and frustration. If God loves me, then why am I not healing? And the answer is that God's ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9). Which, loosely translated, means "because God said so". It stinks at the time. We want to heal, and move forward and learn from our mistakes - not sit in them. But just as the shepherd sometimes breaks the leg of the wandering sheep, Jesus also breaks us on occasion.

For he wounds, but he also binds up;
   he injures, but his hands also heal.

- Job 5:18

That is the flip side of the coin. The shepherd breaks the lamb's leg so that he can keep an eye on him. In essence, he hurts him to help him. Jesus is good to us in this way. He knows when we need His help (even when we don't see it) and He is not against breaking a few bones to help us get to where we need to be. Although He wounds, He also heals.

Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed;
   save me and I will be saved,
   for you are the one I praise.

- Jeremiah 17:14

I believe that God loves to take the damaged and let them dance. However, healing requires effort on our part. He will heal us. But we must first believe that He is the healer. We must reach for the Lord's garment if we expect to be healed by its touch. He wants to heal us, but we have to first acknowledge that He can.

“Come, let us return to the LORD.
He has torn us to pieces
   but he will heal us;
he has injured us
   but he will bind up our wounds.
After two days he will revive us;
   on the third day he will restore us,
   that we may live in his presence. "

- Hosea 6:1-2

These words of Hosea are precious to me. They sum this up so beautifully. The Lord sometimes tears us to pieces, BUT He WILL heal is. He will REVIVE and RESTORE us to a better condition than we started in. In order for this to happen we must RETURN to Him. We have to go back to the one who has called us and let Him do His thing. And when He heals, we must LIVE IN HIS PRESENCE. That is why He heals us. To bring us closer to Him. The injured lamb gets carried by the shepherd. He rides on His shoulders until he can walk on his own again. Painful? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. But think of all the time that little lamb gets to spend with the one who loves him enough to hurt him. Live in that presence. To do so is a gift bought by the suffering of one who paid a much greater price. By His wounds, we are HEALED. Amen.