Focal point.

Your laughter it echoes like a joyous thunder  
Your whisper it warms me like a summer breeze  
Your anger is fiercer than the sun in its splendour
You’re close and yet full of mystery  
Ever since the day that I saw Your face  
Try as I may, I cannot look away, I cannot look away…  

Captivated by You  
I am captivated by You  
May my life be one unbroken gaze  
Fixed upon the beauty of Your face 

-'Captivated' by Vicky Beeching

Lord, please let my blinks and winks be mindful of your grace as well. So that I won't be staring into the distance looking for something I've never seen or felt before. I haven't physically seen a tangible 'you', but I constantly feel you. True, I do want to keep my focus on you while my eyes are open, but I hopehopehope that thoughts of you run through my head even when my eyes are closed-every split millisecond. My daydreams. My nightdreams. My nightmares. In times of focus, frustration, and fatigue. May all these shut-eye moments be filled with your unbelievable wonders that continue to amaze me so much that I have no choice but to see them come and pass with eyes wide open!

As much as we often SAY we want one unbroken gaze fixated upon the Lord, how often does that actually happen within us? This unbroken gaze is meant to be understood as whatever we want to be focused on. What we see in front of us or in our heads is what we are thinking about, no matter how often we admit it.
Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Psalm 12:1-2 says "To you I lift up my eyes, O you who are enthroned in the heavens! Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master, as the eyes of a maidservant to the hand of her mistress, so our eyes look to the Lord our God, till he has mercy upon us.

What are you fixated on? What consumes your thoughts and actions? Do you have the 'right' focus?

fear not

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." - 1 John 4:18

A wise friend spoke this truth to me in the very recent past. In that moment, I was torn between listening to the voice in my head and trusting the truth in my heart. My head was throwing around words like "failure", "pain" and "rejection" while my heart was saying to trust and have faith. The voice in my head has a name, and that name is fear. It is fear that sometimes keeps me from doing those things that require a little bit more than I want to give. You know, those things that require more bravery, trust and sacrifice than I am comfortable giving.

My friends and I like to go sailing from time to time. I distinctly remember one occasion when the wind was up and the waters were a bit rougher than usual. The small sailboat was thrashing to and fro and the sides of the boat were dipping low in to the water. My friend and I laid across the bow of the boat with our fingers clinging to the side for support. I can recall the feeling of being dunked in to the waves and the water splashing our faces. There was a moment, when the boat tipped low, that it felt that I wouldn't be able to hold on much longer. At the time, we laughed at how fearful we were of falling in and how we were "white knuckling" the boat. It was a fun experience, but an exhausting one. For days later, my knuckles and muscles were sore from gripping the boat so tightly. I often think about this when I find myself "white knuckling" the situations and people in my life. I want control and I sometimes wear myself out trying to hang on for dear life, unwilling to ride out the fear.

I have a 3 year old and he has decided that he no longer likes sleep. Even though his body clearly needs it, he fights it tooth and nail. Often times, he fights it so hard, and so long, that the tiredness literally consumes him and he becomes a whiny and miserable little guy. Last night, as I was rocking him to bed, he was fighting the sleep in a terrible way. He was fidgeting and singing and kicking his feet to keep himself awake. And as I rocked him and sang to him, I felt his body giving in and letting go. All at once he just relaxed and I felt the fight leave him. He was asleep within seconds.

My fear is real and it manifests itself in a number of different insecurities and defenses. But what I need to remember, is that "God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control"(2 Timothy 1:7). When I trust that God wants what is best for me and I rely on the promises He has made me, there is no need to fear. And those promises are vast and exceedingly more than I could ask for. He promises:

- to prosper and not harm me (Jeremiah 29:11)

- to never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6)

- to work for my good (Romans 8:28)

- to make my paths straight (Proverbs 3:6)

- to renew my strength (Isaiah 40:31)

- to carry out His plans for me (Philippians 1:6)

These promises are a solid and unchanging ground to stand on. When these truths reside in your heart, there is no room for fear. If we believe that God is a God who keeps His promises and trust that He knows what is best then we can let go and relax in the comfort of His provisions. We can stop fighting against God's purposes, a fight we will surely lose, and become a part of them. In the end, it will leave us a lot more refreshed and a lot less sore.

"By this we shall know that we are of the truth and reassure our heart before Him; for whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart and He knows everything." - 1 John 3:19-20

Ifs, Ands or Maybes

"Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes' and 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. " - Matthew 5:37

When I was younger, and I wanted something, I knew exactly which tactics would produce the most desired outcomes. I had learned the tricks of the trade. I knew that mom would usually say ask dad, if you asked her first, and that dad would more than likely say yes. But mom, she had a number of answers: "maybe" (which meant no), "we'll see" (which meant she could be persuaded) and "probably" (which was a yes, but I will make you wait for it). Most of the time, mom said yes as well, she just took the longer route to getting there. In my youth, I did not care for this approach.

However, as an adult I have fully embraced it. Even if I don't say it, I think "maybe" or "we'll see" when it comes to decisions or paths in my way. The procrastinator in me takes over and steers me directly in to the path of unlimited grayness. And it is here that I like to sit and weigh my options, sort out the pros and cons and just refuse to make a decision. While this path is safe, it is not Biblical. Jesus has clearly instructed us to make a choice and to stand behind it. It is either "Yes" or "No", there is no room for the in between.

Making decisions is difficult sometimes because we often have conflict between our head and our heart, the facts and the feelings. And while it is good to wait on the Lord and to leave time to seek His face, it is not good to avoid making decisions. The time will come when a choice must be made. The Bible says to choose THIS day whom you will serve (Joshua 24:15). It does not say to wait for tomorrow (Matthew 6:34). It does not say to wait for more information. It says to choose service and to choose it NOW.

An old and wise man once told me, "don't let what you don't know rob you of what you do know". We may not get all the ducks to line up in a row. Occasionally, the pieces of the puzzle will not line up. But God doesn't want us in the gray, or the lukewarm (Revelation 3:16). He wants us to choose- this or that. But more than that, He wants us to choose Him and to be confident that this is the BEST choice (Proverbs 3:26, Jeremiah 29:11). Have you made your choice yet? What are you waiting for? What will you choose?