Beauty is Pain

I have some really great friends. I mean truly great. And not just great because they make me laugh and listen to my stories. But also great because they tell me the truth. Yesterday, I spoke with a close friend who confided that she was upset with me for not "sticking to my guns" on something that I had told her I wanted to do. Actually, it was bigger than that, it was something that I had felt called to do. I had wanted to argue and defend myself, but I didn't. Instead, I realized that she was right. Ouch. Not easy to hear. And even harder to admit it's true. But it is. I have done a poor job of holding fast to the things that the Spirit has called me to. I find that I let myself off of the hook all too easily because it is hard or uncomfortable or requires more than I am willing to give. So I dove in to the Bible, to get clear on what the Word says about self-control, vows and weakness and I was able to get a clearer view of what God desires when it comes to "sticking to my guns".

Everyone knows that verse about the spirit being willing, but the flesh being weak (Mark 14:38). This has become a memory verse for me because it explains so much of how I have been feeling lately. I have a desire in my spirit to do what is right and of God, and sometimes I start out strong, but my flesh is so VERY weak that I often fail (Romans 7:18-20). Because of our sin, we are all weak in one way or another. Weakness is a given, but thankfully we have Jesus who came to atone for our weaknesses and to show us how to persevere through them:

  For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. (Hebrews 4:15)

The Bible is also clear that weakness is opportunity for Jesus to take control and provide strength in all storms.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I know that Christ has called me to a life that strives to glorify Him in everything. This is my desire, to honor Him with my mouth and my actions. Part of that involves taking the vows I make to Him and others seriously. By not following through with the things I say, I am not proving myself to be one whose words can be trusted.

When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow. It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. - Ecclesiastes 5:4

Moses said to the heads of the tribes of Israel: “This is what the LORD commands: When a man makes a vow to the LORD or takes an oath to obligate himself by a pledge, he must not break his word but must do everything he said. - Numbers 30:1-2

“Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘Do not break your oath, but fulfill to the Lord the vows you have made.’ - Matthew 5:33

What this tells me is that we must take the vows that we make seriously and honor them. I find that I have good intentions and that those good intentions allow me to achieve a portion of the things I want to do. But intentions are not the same as devotion. When we devote ourselves to fulfilling the promises we make to the Lord then we set ourselves up for God to move. What I am learning, the hard way, is that not taking this process seriously keeps me from fully understanding what God has in store for me and receiving all the blessings and insights He may have planned.

In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us. - Titus 2:7-8

I want integrity. I want to be set apart. But to do this, I have to remain faithful to the One within whom my faith lies. I understand that while I may have a past that doesnt reflect the desire of my heart to be a woman of my word, I will not beat myself up but will use this truth and revelation to learn and grow closer to God and the person He is calling me to be.

For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. - 2 Peter 1:5-8

I am so glad that my friend brought this up. God used that honesty to reveal an area of my life that was not glorifying Him. There is so much I need to learn still about sin and how it effects my relationship with Jesus. My attitude towards this and other sins is casual and enabling. I do not hate sin as the Lord hates it. I do not take separation from Him seriously enough. But there is a desire within me to right these wrongs and to grow closer to Him. I know I have been lacking in this area, and that God has worked with, and even in spite of, these things to bring about His glory.  I will always have weakness. There was only One who lived life without it. However, part of the beauty of becoming more like Christ is trading the old for the new. I urge you to see if you share this struggle in your own life. If you do, seek God's truth on the matter and lay it down. Let Him change your mind about sin and the way you represent yourself through your words and promises. If you let Him get control of your mind and your will, He will also change your heart in time. That is His promise and He always keeps His promises.

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age... -Titus 2:11-12